Onii-Chan
by 24TheFun
Summary: So there I was. The hero of the world. I'd fought an in the flesh goddess, finally won out against my long time rival, and I brought peace to the Shinobi world. Pretty sweet right? Until one day I woke up and everything was different. And by Everything I mean... everything. Naruto AU story / Naruto OP / Naruto x Ino x undecided
1. Chapter 1

**Onii-chan**

**Hello. This is 24TheFun. It's been quite a while since I last updated and I'm sorry for that. Unfortunately I was hacked. My laptop was old as dirt though and didn't have the security needed to hold off the guys who did it. Honestly I'm just a little disappointed. Like, who hacks someone on fanfiction? **

**Lucky for my I have a good memory and a spare laptop. Unfortunately my writing speed has slowed to a crawl. Due to the difficulty of rewriting stories on memory alone and this old crappy keyboard. It doesn't help that I live out in the middle of nowhere with the world's worst internet.**

**I'll try to update 'The Fourth Wish' soon. But until then, bear with me.**

**(About this story)**

**This is a Romantic comedy. But it will have scenes of intense action and some arcs will feature adventure. Expect character death, though not main characters. This will be a harem. It will feature some aspects of forbidden romance. And it has a very convolute plot. So don't jump to conclusions and send me angry reviews.**

**I will be using some Japanese words interchangeably with English. If this annoys you I'm sorry but that's just how I'm writing it. Keep in mind the Naruto I'm using is the post Shippuden Canon Naruto. I'll try to stay true to his powers and abilities. If you see glaring errors please PM me. **

**Now for the disclaimer. (I don't own any part of Naruto. Naruto is owned by Kishimoto.)**

**OOO**

**OOO**

**Chapter One – An Odd Morning.**

Naruto Uzumaki woke with an incredible yawn. A yawn so great and mighty it evoked images of noble lions and ferocious tigers. A yawn to symbolize the beginning of a great adventure! Though… this was slightly offset by the sloth beanie he happened to be wearing.

Then he sat up and looked around his meager one bedroom one bath apartment. His sleepy gaze drifted from corner to corner, his half lidded eyes sending a barrage of contradictory information to his brain. He couldn't help but feel something was out of place. The whole room seemed a bit _odd_ to him. But then again he was never much of a morning person. He could easily be missing something.

Yawning again, Naruto swung his feet off the bed and stood up. He turned, heading to the bathroom rubbing his eyes as he went.

He only made it 5 feet before his face hit the wall. A wall that, mysterious as it was, shouldn't have been there in the first place. He paused and, because he did this same routine every single morning, frowned sleepily. He had been doing this same routine every single morning for the last 10 years since he got the apartment. So now that he was done rubbing his eyes, and indeed massaging his forehead, he noticed that the door was now on the opposite side of the room.

"_Now that's weird."_

He rubbed his head again, attempting to dispel the slight pain in his forehead and entered the bathroom. He was still sleepy as he turned to the sink, twisting the nozzle for the water to come out. Then something else strange occurred to him through the morning haze. For one thing he never remembered having a full length mirror in the bathroom. And for another, he didn't have a walk in shower either. So unless someone had decided to come in and remodel his bathroom he was a loss.

"_I've no idea what's going on and I don't really care. Just something else off to deal with I guess."_

Naruto splashed cold water on his face hoping to wake them self up a bit more. Then he looked in the mirror. As per the usual the blue eyes staring back at him didn't hold the warmth that most people saw. To him, looking at himself in the mirror now, his eyes seemed bored. His gaze is did not hold the same excitement that he was known for.

In fact, if someone else was looking at him right now, they might have mistaken him for certain dark haired young man about his own age. Although there wasn't an abundance of hatred in his gaze either.

Rough hands moved through his hair, attempting and failing to tame it into something approximating neatness. He scratched idly at his cheeks, mentally noting again that the dark lines on either side grew thicker the older he became. In addition to that he was slowly losing the roundness of his face that Jiraiya always teased him about.

"_Well at least Jiraiya won't be able to tease me about it anymore, but knowing him even dead he's gonna be trying to get me into pervy situations." _

A moment later Naruto left the bathroom and headed across his room to a dresser. For the third time that morning there was something very much out of place. His dresser, which was usually just by the foot of his bed, was now on the opposite side of the room. The bewildered blond just stood there and scratched is head.

"_If I didn't know any better I'd say Konohamaru is trying to pull pranks on me again. I swear if that's what is actually going on he'll be sorry he ever met me."_

It was several minutes before he managed to apprise himself of his entire room and the changes there in. It seemed that everything besides his bed had either been replaced, moved, or wasn't even there anymore. Hell, even the blanket on his bed was different. This was… vexing.

Never in his entire life had this ever happened to him. Admittedly, he'd done this sort of thing to a few other people. Certainly good for a few laughs, but never in his life had it been done to him. He just couldn't wrap his head around it. Somehow, someone had entered his room during the night without waking him and done a serious home makeover. Honestly he didn't know whether to be amazed or pissed.

Naruto eventually decided on amazed, making another mental note to ramp up his pranking across the board. For truly the village had forgotten the legend of the #1 pranking king of Konoha. He fully intended on striking fear into the hearts of civilians and Shinobi alike. No one would be safe. Not the Hyuuga, not the Inuzuka, and most certainly not any other clan lacking in their abilities. Maybe he'd even go back into the art business. _Maybe_ try to liven up the Hokage the monuments again… Now that Kakashi's ugly mug was plastered against the far right side… it was long overdue for a makeover.

He sighed, mumbling to himself as he continued his routine from where he'd left off. "Oh well, time to get up and around."

So, moving to his oddly placed dresser, he began to get dressed for the day. He purposefully tried to ignore the fact that there were several pieces of clothing missing. And not to mention, the abhorrent lack of orange. Seriously there was going to be some chaos for this. Damn being amazed, he was going down the pissed route real quick. Mess with his furniture, fine. Changeup is bathroom, go right ahead. Hell, he wouldn't complain if his whole room was painted pink, but removing all of his beautiful orange clothes was going too far.

There would be hell to pay…

As soon as he found something orange to wear.

20 minutes later he finally found something in the very back of the bottom drawer. It was two sizes too small at least, making it feel uncomfortably tight around the shoulders. Fortunately most of his clothes had been baggy when he was a Genin and it wasn't too bad a fit even three years later. Currently he was wearing a white and orange jacket over black shirt with his clan symbol on the back. Below that he wore loose black pants. He'd equipped his ninja tools already and put on his combat sandals leaving only one thing left… His headband.

It took nearly ten minutes to find his god damned headband. And by that time he had it he was livid. This headband had been given to him by Iruka-sensei. One of the people he cared for more than anything else and to have someone move it, _hide it_. It was unacceptable. If this was Konohamaru's doing… The boy was going to wish he was never born. He'd prank that brat so thoroughly his grandfather would feel it in the pure world!

After Naruto was fully prepared to go out into the outside world he did a quick double check. He had to be absolutely sure that nothing else was out of place he hadn't realized. Fortunately it didn't seem as though there was. Naruto turned on his heel and walked to his door, opening it and stepping through.

His so called 'ninja reflexes' failed him completely.

Why?

Because someone (and he still had no idea who) had replaced the walkway outside his door, which usually led to a hallway and then down a flight of stairs into the street. Now, this usual setup had been replaced with a set of stairs that immediately dropped down not a foot after the door opened. Naruto found himself for the first time in years tumbling head over heels, or more accurately heels over head down a set of stairs.

At the bottom he crashed painfully.

He was up again a second later cursing. What… the… hell..?

What the hell was a set of stairs doing right there? For one thing the corridor always turns to the right because a street was directly in front of him when he walked out of the door. But somehow the stairs now looked directly down after he opened it, catching him by surprise. But that wasn't the issue. The issue was that the stairs should be halfway into the street at this point, but instead he was now in a hallway.

Confusion.

Complete and all encompassing confusion.

"_Am I going crazy?" _

Naruto looked around as if asking a nonexistent audience that question as he brushed himself off. He glanced around again as if checking for traps, carefully concealed behind the most every day of objects. He didn't find any. What he did find was the door leading off to his right. Naruto, being the curious and currently perplexed person he was, opened the door and peaked in.

What he saw on the other side was a small bedroom. A bed in the center with a large blue and gold blanket on top. To the right of the bed was a dresser. To the left of the bed was a small table, and stacked with what looked like a magazines. Naruto recognized the magazine's as being from one of the more popular ninja issues, published in Suna.

For a moment this little detail held him spellbound. Then he snapped out of his daze and took note of a few other things in the room. By the door about a foot from him were two long blades, nodachi. He'd never seen swords like this close up, save for the one the time Sasuke was trying to dismember him with one.

"Kaa-san! I didn't mean to do it! Sorry! –wait! DON'T! Please!"

Naruto's head snapped to the side and he melted into the shadows, disappearing back up the stairs. He didn't know what the hell was going on, but he fully intending on finding out.

"Now you get right back here you! Did I say you could skip out on a mission just because you didn't like it?! I think not!"

He frowned. He was sure he recognized that second voice, but it was hard to recall. It was recent too, something he'd heard in the last few months… Naruto jumped slightly as he heard a colossal crash come from a few rooms away, the sounds of carnage and persuit coming closer.

"I said I was sorry! But sensei TOLD us that is didn't really need a full team to complete! Have mercy!"

"No! No no no nonono NO! You're getting your punishment and then you're going to the Hokage and taking a full week of D-rank missions! That's what you get for skipping out on your team just so you could play pranks!"

"Waaah! Kaa-san!"

Naruto's eyebrows rose several centimeters. A few things went through his mind as the voices seemed to be just in range. First he felt incredibly sorry for whoever was on the receiving end of this angry mother figure. Second he was wondering exactly who these people were and why they were living in the same apartment building as him. After all not many people actually wanted to live in the same house as the Kyuubi Jinchuriki. And lastly… he vastly approved of pranks, therefore this girl couldn't be too bad.

Naruto frowned suddenly.

…Unless this cute frightened feminine voice he was hearing belonged to the one responsible for rearranging everything in sight! In which case she would soon experience the true definition of terror!

"HOLD STILL!"

"NO!"

Naruto heard the despairing tone and couldn't help himself. He jumped down the stairs and stalked down the hallway, preparing to peek around the bend.

"No! Onii-chan! Help! Mom's going to kill me! Onii-chan!"

He reached the corner just as something blurred around it. Naruto, while moving at a crawl, was as yet unprepared for the battering ram that hit him. All he saw was blond hair and a lot of orange before he was driven to the floor underneath the fleeing girl. A split second later he heard the stomp of footsteps and he felt a not-inconsiderable killing intent fill the immediate area.

He looked up.

The first thing his eyes met… were two stunning sapphire orbs that were nearly identical to his. Then he took note of a few other things. Namely the lightly tanned skin, blond pigtails, sharp canines and… whisker marks?

Naruto found himself staring into the terrified but still very attractive eyes of his sexy jutsu.

"Onii-chan! Quick! Use Hiraishin! Get me out of here before Kaa-san kills me!"

"Hiraishin?" was all he could manage.

Why was she calling him her brother? Why was she still straddling him like this? And why, oh why… did her chakra not feel like his? She was obviously his sexy jutsu, she just…..

Oh… no, she wasn't his sexy jutsu. The analytical part of Naruto's brain suddenly started to piece apart his previous assumption. No, the eyes were wrong. His sexy jutsu's eyes were smaller, less blue. His own jutsu had more green/blue eyes. And her hair was longer, a lot longer than his jutsu's. Follow that up with the fact that he could _feel_ her measurements were skewed. Her bust was smaller and her hips were wider…

"ONII-CHAN!"

"Uh… who are you?" After all she obviously wasn't his sexy jutsu… Sexy, but not a jutsu.

"**Na..ru..ko….."**

Naruto and the girl were both suddenly ram-rod straight at the demonic voice. Naruto looked over the girl's shoulder even as she turned around, fear plain in her eyes. And standing before them in the hallway… was someone he recognized instantly.

The Shinigami was after all… hard to miss. With long crimson hair and furious blue eyes, she looked like a vengeful goddess. And to Naruto, whose logical brain also registered the fact that this terrible being was his mother… (and still another part argued that his mother was supposed to be dead, never mind walking around threatening people) …he found himself seized with the desire to escape.

Fortunately for the girl masquerading as his sexy jutsu he had a sense of honor… Needless to say he took her with him.

The demon/mother/rage-monster was left behind, tearing through an army of clones which all tried their best to delay her…

**OOO**

**OOO**

A few minutes later Naruto stopped running and rested against a large tree in one of the few places no one in the village ventured. The forest of death. Well… there were a few people who came here but it was infrequently and only Anko ever stayed for long. He knew that she was currently on a mission right then… so he felt fairly safe hiding here. If she wasn't on a mission there would have been no way in hell he'd some near this place. He did have a sense of self preservation after all!

Naruto drew in a long breath as he let his rapid heartbeat slow. Usually he didn't lose his cool like that, but that woman (his mother…?) scared the living hell out of him for some reason he couldn't understand. Her rage stirred such a primal fear in him that all he could do was spam shadow clones and bolt for safety. Naruto swore he could almost hear Lee bemoaning his un-youthful departure…

Fuck Lee! He didn't have a death wish!

At last he managed to get his breath back. He turned to see the blond sexy jutsu he'd dragged with him lying against a tree. She was still breathing hard, either from trying to keep up with him, or from terror. Either way it looked like she would survive.

"Oi... you okay there?"

Her face turned to regard him and she nodded once. "Yeah. I'm fine now… but why didn't you use Hiraishin? We could have been out instantly instead of running."

"…."

"Why are you giving me that look Onii-chan?"

"I could ask you the same question. Why are you calling me Onii-chan?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly and she stood up, moving to him. Naruto glanced around as she stepped in close, her nose at his chin level. She frowned and poked him in the chest.

"..?.."

She crossed her arms over her bust and stepped back. "Yep, you aren't a girl… so I can't call you Onee-chan. For a second there I was worried my dear big dumb Aniki was hiding something from me." She nodded to herself as if confirming something. "Yes… you're still my Onii-chan."

Naruto blinked uncomprehendingly. "Okay….."

She looked up again. "Something wrong? You don't look so good. I mean I know you're probably going to have to explain to mom why you helped me get out of her punishment. Sorry about that."

"…."

"You're giving me that weird look again Onii-chan." She quickly looked down at herself as if to make sure she wasn't having a wardrobe malfunction. She turned around twice and then glanced back at him perplexed. "Do I have something on my face?"

Naruto scratched the side of cheek, wondering just how to tell her that he didn't have a sister. Or the fact that his mother was dead… or not, but still Kushina Uzumaki was supposed to be gone. He'd met her in his subconscious during his fight with Kurama. He'd never see her again after that… or so he thought.

Everything that had happened since he'd woken up not long ago was upside-down and backwards. His bathroom was supposed to be to the left of his bed… but it was now on the other side of the room. His entire room's contents had been rearranged. It seemed like he might have woken up in an entirely different house all together! There were just so many things that were wrong with this day. If it wasn't for the fact that falling down the stairs hurt like a bitch, he'd have thought he was dreaming.

"Um… how should I put this? I have no uh… memory of you."

A look of dawning comprehension washed over her face. "Oh _wow_! When you went out to celebrate your promotion with the guys last night you must have gotten _wasted_…" A sudden grin flashed across her face as she gave him two thumbs up. "And here I thought Jinchuriki like us couldn't get drunk! I guess I do have something to look forward to when mom starts letting me drink!"

"That's not what I mean…"

"Okay.. what do you mean? I mean really. You're joking right?" She pointed at him while making her voice childlike and sing-song. "You, Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze!" She pointed to herself. "Me, Naruko Uzumaki Namikaze." She shrugged. "Remember, brother/sister? That kind of thing?" At his expression she sighed. "You're trippin bro…"

"Am not! I just woke up and walked into the wall because the bathroom wasn't where it's been for the last ten years. And then I fell down a flight of stairs that shouldn't have been there. And now I see you. And you look just like a girl version of me but I'm an only child as far as I know."

He looked away at her slightly hurt expression. "I remember mom, but she's dead… along with dad." Naruto groaned as he felt a massive migraine looming over the proverbial horizon. He quickly sat down, placing his hands on either side of his head. "I'm just really really confused right now."

"Yeah, me too." She kneeled down next to him. "Now that I think about it, you aren't acting like your usual self. For one thing you didn't do anything to your hair. And you woke up really late, which you never do. You said you fell down the stairs. The Naruto I know isn't that clumsy."

"Thanks for the info…"

"Not to mention you're not wearing your new ANBU stuff. Why the hell did you put _that_ on anyway? I haven't seen you wear that since we were like fourteen and you went through the last growth spurt."

Naruto groaned again as his head pulsed dully. "Too little orange. Fuck my head hurts…"

She frowned again, her sapphire eyes locking onto his. "You're not kidding are you? You really don't know who I am." A grinding sound was audible as Naruto clamped his teeth hard together. His eyes narrowed with pain, losing focus on her. "Okay… okay… this is crazy." She bit her lip. "Dad is out on a diplomatic mission right now. Mom isn't in the mood to talk. After that I'd usually go to Jiji, but he went with dad… Jeeze who do I go to?"

A few moments passed as she wracked her brain for a solution. Then it dawned on her. Of course! She would bring her brother to the experts on the mind. Ino would know where her dad was and she wasn't on a mission either as far as she knew. So Ino would be at the Yamanaka flower shop.

Naruko grimaced as her twin (but older by a few minutes) brother clenched his knuckles. He'd gone very pale. It was at that moment when she felt a tug in the back of her mind. A strong disturbance that sent her into a mild panic. She bolted upright, grabbing Naruto and hefting him onto her shoulder. Under normal circumstances she would have blushed handling a guy as ripped as him, but she didn't have time for it right now. Sending chakra to her legs and core muscles, Naruko centered her brother's weight on her back and darted off through the forest.

"Today really sucks the big one…" She muttered to herself. "If this happens every time I skip out on a mission I'm gonna have a spotless record after this."

**OOO**

**OOO**

Ino Yamanaka was tending the flowers inside her family's shop when she heard the frantic knocking on the front door. She turned her head, blinking in slight surprise. "Come on in! The door is unlocked!" But the knocking continued. She sighed and pulled a hand through her long platinum blond hair. _"Who could it be? The sign says we're open. Are they blind and deaf?" _Ino put down her watering can and stepped quickly to the door, opening it in a swift motion.

Immediately her face turned a bright shade of red. Standing in the doorway was her friend Naruko, one of the Uzumaki-Namikaze kids. And on her back was an unconscious Naruto. The young man, who'd been inducted into the ANBU just the night before, was grimacing from some pain. "Ino-chan! Naruto needs Inoichi's help!"

"Huh?!" Ino stepped back, letting them in the shop. "But Kaa-san and Tou-san were called to Suna. They had someone on the council make an attempt on the son of the Kazekage. They needed someone to read his mind. They left this morning. Put him down and tell me what happened!"

Naruko glanced around for a second, not seeing any suitable place to drop her brother. "Um… sorry Nii-chan." She abruptly dropped him, just catching his head to prevent him from causing anymore damage. "Listen Ino. Something happened to him and he doesn't remember me or anything. He says that everything since he woke up has been switched around."

"Really? That's not like amnesia?" Ino frowned, her blush fading. "I know him and Shika-kun went out with the others drinking but he can't get drunk can he? That's why he's the one who always brings them home."

"I know!" Naruko bit her lip. "listen please. The Kyuubi, it's acting up really bad right now. I couldn't get him to the TI department or to your clan compound. I hoped your dad could go through his memories and see what is wrong."

"No good. They're both gone for the next week at least."

"Can you do something about it then?!" Naruko was almost shouting now. She _needed _to get back to her mother so she could help her deal with the Kyuubi.

"I can, but I'm not so good at diving into memory. Most of my jutsu are for combat like Kaa-san."

Naruko growled. "Do what you can! I have to go!"

"W..wait! You can't just leave him with me?! Not alone!"

Naruko darted to her feet and dashed to the door, turning back to glare at Ino. "Try to figure out what is wrong with my brother! And don't do anything Hinata wouldn't do!"

With that the blond pigtails disappeared, leaving Ino with Naruto's unconscious form… or wait…

"I..Ino-chan?"

"N…Naruto-kun!?"

One pained eye cracked open. "_Kun_ now Ino? That's…" He trailed off as if searching for the right words. "…interesting." He groaned and attempted to sit up, Ino using one hand to support him. "Jeeze. The whole way here was one big blur. Where am I?"

"My parent's flower shop." Ino answered as Naruto sat up fully, shaking his head slowly. She noted a few odd things about him then. First his hair wasn't as neat as it usually was, though that wasn't saying much. But much more out of place was the fact he was wearing a fairly tight fitting orange and black jacket. It strained with each move he made, showing off his muscles.

Lastly… the way he was acting. It wasn't like the cold and collected Naruto she knew. It wasn't exactly bad in her opinion. She liked Naruto, but he needed to loosen up some.

"Ouch… that bad huh? Guess she thought I needed your old man." Naruto massaged his temples with a frown. "Actually not the worst idea with how mixed up everything is in my head. I wouldn't mind getting some help from your Tou-san. Where is the grump by the way?"

Naruto didn't mention that there were some serious problems with that reasoning… For instance the fact that Inoichi was supposed to be dead. A Biju-dama tended to be one of the more 'final' ways to die. Right behind getting vaporized by Sasuke's Amaterasu.

But he didn't say anything about that.

Ino blinked at him for a moment, completely unused to this… this candor Naruto was displaying. "Did.. did you just call Tou-san a grump?"

Naruto glanced at her briefly then, seeing her well for the first time. "Well I call them how I see them. Oh wow…" He hadn't really looked at her until now but she was _different._ "Ino-chan? When did your hair get so long?" His cheeks reddened slightly. And as soon as she noticed her face lit up, though she quickly tried to hide it.

"I don't know what you're talking about Naruto-kun. My hair has always been this long." She pulled a few strands away that had fallen in her eyes. "Do… Do you like it like this?"

"Um… sure." He grinned lopsidedly and finally managed to break eye contact. He was always a sucker for pretty girls with long hair. _"In the end Jiraiya finally managed to get me." _His smile faded and he turned his attention back to the matter at hand. "Anyway where's the old shrink anyway?"

"Kaa-san and Tou-san are on their way to Suna for a mission." She fidgeted as he looked back at her.

"You can use your family jutsu can't you?"

"Yes, but I only have one non damaging technique that my Kaa-san taught me. I can't actually project other's thoughts like she can. And Tou-san showed me his combat mind jutsu. Actually I've been training my elemental affinity…" The way she said it made it sound like there was something significant there. "Did you know we have the same affinity?"

"Really? You have Futon affinity too? I thought Asuma was the only other one in Konoha."

"Well… Asuma and your family." She put in.

Naruto cringed slightly. "Yeah… _about that_. I don't remember any of them."

"W..what?!" Ino leaned forward, plainly shocked. "What could you mean by that? Naruko said you didn't recognize her, but I thought she was mistaken. Do you not recognize your own sister?"

Naruto turned to her and tried to make her see how serious he was. "You need to understand Ino, I don't remember ever having a sister." He rubbed at his head again, feeling the ache returning. "I remember growing up in the village as an orphan. Fuck everything is so mixed up. I can't think straight. If Kurama would just shut up and let me sort through everything."

"Naruto-kun, give me a moment. I'll enter your mindscape. We Yamanaka can do that… I can help you sort through your memories. Please let me help okay?" He nodded and leaned back on the floor. Ino seated herself in a position that would prevent her from falling over when her body went limp. She took a deep breath and placed a hand on Naruto's temple, feeling his hot skin. "Okay. Clear your mind as best you can Naruto-kun."

He closed his eyes as she activated her mind walk technique.

_**OOO**_

_**OOO**_

Ino opened her eyes, blinking as she found herself in a colossal room. Then, as suddenly as she was there she saw it. _Him._ The massive beast glared down at her, its crimson eyes taking in her presence with a casual distain.

"**Hmph! Yamanaka child… pathetic. You couldn't even push past my fractional mental block. How weak could you be?"**

"Oi! Shut he hell up fox!" Naruto seemed to materialize out of thin air next to her. "Show some respect ya know!"

"**Naruto… what is the meaning of all this?!" **The Biju pushed forward till his snout brushed the cage bars. **"When I woke, not forty minutes ago I found myself looking through your eyes… and who do I see but my late vessel! WHO IS DEAD!"**

Naruto snapped. "Stop shouting! Why do you think Ino-chan is here dumbass? She's a Yamanaka!"

"**As if a Yamanaka could figure out what I could not. Your mother was killed by ME… Why is she walking around trying to punish a sibling who shouldn't exist!? I had assumed that there was a limit to the insanity that follows in your wake, yet it seems I was wrong… AGAIN!"**

Ino shivered at the volume and took a step back. Naruto turned to see her retreating and stopped her. "Hey, Ino-chan don't mind him. He's just pissed because he doesn't know what's going on. Usually he's a lot more reasonable, even when he's angry."

"**Kit…. Watch what you say around me."**

"Oh go jump off a cliff why don't you… not that there's a cliff big enough to be anything more than a small jump, but you get what I mean. And stop scaring Ino-chan. She didn't grow up with your furry ass."

"**Remind me why I put up with your constant stupidity."**

"Because I kicked your ass in one on one combat. I think that's the main reason why. And… because I'm the only one in recent memory whose tried to make friends with you. Now can you stop glaring at Ino-chan? I know what game you're playing."

"**Fine…. But the Yamanaka girl better get me some answers. I want to know why the woman who kept me chained to a burning boulder made of lava for two decades is alive and well. Regardless of how much you may benefit, Kushina's sudden reappearance doesn't comfort me in the least."**

"I hear ya furball, but you should really learn some patience. You are immortal remember?

"**Yeah yeah… shut up and let the child do her task then."**

Naruto nodded and turned to Ino. "Sorry about that Ino-chan. Kurama and I are just really confused right now. We're hoping you can help…"

"O..okay… I just never met a… a…"

"One of the Biju?"

"Uh huh…" Ino shifted uncomfortably. "Is he _smaller_ than Academy said he was?"

"**WHAT!?"**

"Kurama calm down! She didn't mean it like that." He sighed. "Yeah, he's smaller in here. But if he were to appear in the outside world he'd be full sized. Right now he's only about one fifth normal size.

The fox grumbled and lowered himself to the ground. **"Well girl… get to it."**

She gave a quick nod and placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "Okay… I want you to think about something important in your past. Something that might help us figure out what is going on."

"You mean like stuff that I remember that doesn't match what I've seen today?"

"Exactly." She smiled. "That's what I mean Naruto-kun. Or something…" Suddenly she stopped as the mindscape around them changed instantly. The young Yamanaka heiress watched in amazement at the elasticity of his mindscape. Most people didn't have anywhere near this much control over their subconscious space. And that was when she saw it. The great hall, with its grey stone walls and floor, twisted and was gone. She found herself seeing an image. But no, that was not enough to describe what she was seeing. She was transported back in Naruto's memoires….

Back to a battlefield.

There she saw two figures, one yellow and one purple. The first was a young man, strikingly handsome. Every fiber of his being blazed with an incandescent white hot flame. Several black balls hovered around him and he clutched a long ebony staff in one hand. The other was wreathed in purple flames, his strange alien eyes spinning. They fought and danced, the world around them blown away in their passing. Trees, forests, entire landscapes disintegrated with each mighty strike.

Then there were two great explosions of chakra. Before her eyes Ino witnessed a towering purple humanoid figure, clad in violet armor and wielding swords of pure chakra, each as long as a tree was tall. And the other, obscured by an explosion of water for but a moment and now revealed, was a fox. Its entire body was ethereal, yet as it moved the ground sundered beneath its feet.

Two fists extended, colliding in mid air. And the lake they stood in was no more. The sock of the impact alone blew the water from the bowl that moments before had contained it. The battle continued in earnest, purple on blinding yellow, demon against chakra construct.

Ino's eyes were wide as the vision faded. It was replaced by a dawning sunset… and two young men, battered and broken who lay across the stone rubble. The battle seemed to have ended now. She watched… and listened as they spoke, their words were as blood flowing through the same veins. They were brothers. All the emotions of the battle rushed into her as she watched, unable to comprehend what she was seeing.

This was impossible. None of this had ever happened, not in her lifetime.

_\- "I've…. Lost…"_

"_You Idiot! This fight isn't about winning or losing! It's about punching a sulking friend to make him snap out of it! That's what its about! The real match I want comes after that!"_

"… _hey Naruto…"_

"…_eh?"_

"_I just acknowledged you."-_

"**Eh… Naruto… why are you showing her these memories? I can think of plenty that are more to the point."**

Ino blinked and almost fell as the scene in front of her faded away, leaving the great chamber behind. She turned quickly, looking for Naruto. And there he was, standing with the Kyuubi… on the other side of the cage. It was then that Ino noticed something that should not have been.

The cage was open.

"Hey, you know furball. That was one of the best and worst days of my life. I thought it was plenty important… And besides I don't exactly have a memory of my mother dying. And there certainly isn't a memory that shows my 'sister' _not_ being born. I had to make due."

"**Well, personally I would have chosen the one where the elder Yamanaka gave his last message to the United Shinobi forces. Seeing how she has mentioned that her parents are both alive… and we both know that they should be dead."**

"D..Dead?!"

Naruto found himself being tackled by a frantic Ino, her eyes wide and her grip like iron. "What do you mean my parents are dead! They aren't! I'm telling you Mom and Dad are on their way to Suna! What are you talking about!?"

"Ino..Ino! Let me explain! This is exactly what I meant. I don't remember this family that you say I have, I never had a sister, this village should still be being repaired from the Great War and the aftermath of Kaguya's jutsu!"

Ino froze as the world around them twisted again. Naruto looked around, realizing that Kurama was taking things into his own hands. The fox manipulated the mindscape as well as he did, though with more effort and attention to detail.

Both of them watched… and listened. The battlefield was vast, filled with men and women from every village. Ino saw them all, standing together receiving one last message from HQ. She knew the voice that came over… the voices actually… of Shikaku Nara and Inoichi Yamanaka. Her and Shikamaru's fathers. They were in the last moments of their lives, preparing for the Tentails Biju-dama to drop.

Her heart beat loud in her ears as she heard the last words of her father from Naruto's perspective, dressed in golden flames. And then she heard her name, called by her father, telling her how much he loved her, to be strong, and to make sure she took care of Shikamaru and Choji… after all they couldn't do it themselves.

Even though her mind told her this was only a memory, a part of a reality that could exist, it none the less hurt. To hear her own father projecting his final words to her, giving her one last goodbye…

"KURAMA CUT IT OUT NOW!" The memory froze and shattered like glass. Again the chamber and the three of them were all that remained. Naruto was holding her as she shook. "Ino… Ino-chan… it's okay. You said you're parents are alive. You don't have to worry about that now. Okay? It's all going to be fine."

"**Tsk… This girl is different from the one we knew. She didn't break down like this when she heard the news first hand. We are obviously somewhere we shouldn't be." **The fox shifted, his crimson eyes falling on them heavily. **"Girl… tell us what do you know of the Akatsuki?"**

"Kurama shut up…" Naruto hissed. "Give her a chance to recover would ya!"

"**Our current need for information outweighs my sympathy for the girl. You… Yamanaka brat. Tell me what you know of the Akatsuki."**

"Why?!" Naruto growled. "Why ask that?"

"**A theory."**

"Care to elaborate on it then?!"

"**Shut up Naruto. This is more important than the feelings of a girl who we have never met."**

"Like hell I've never met her! She's Ino!"

"**Not the one we know." **Kurama stated coldly. **"Listen to me. Think of what you know of her from this meeting so far. She is acting more like the Hyuuga girl than the Ino we both remember. She even stuttered! Can you imagine Ino Yamanaka stuttering?! I think not! She is just like your 'sister'. We have never met **_**her **_**whether we know Ino or not."**

"Damn it Kurama, why do you have to make everything so twisted around?! I don't understand what you are trying to say!"

"**Grrr… THINK! We could be trapped in a Genjutsu for all we know! I personally doubt it but the truth is this! We have no clue what is going on! When we slept last the Fourth Great Shinobi War was over and we were rebuilding! And now we wake up and everything in different, from the room in which we wake to the people we have known for almost a decade!"**

Naruto finally shut up. It started to sink in, Kurama's words setting up shop in his mind. It was true. Ino wasn't acting like her usual self. She seemed almost as meek as Hinata, though without the prominent physical ticks that the shy Hyuuga displayed. "So what is your theory Kurama? Why ask her about the Akatsuki?"

"**Because Naruto… your 'sister' is the same age as you or slightly younger. I can plainly see that. Yet we do not know what has happened in this world. The Akatsuki is deeply intertwined with events in our world. Asking her about the Akatsuki will give us immediate feedback on the state of this place we are in."**

"Okay… I understand that." He frowned and looked down at Ino. She was still there, but her shock had worn off and her eyes now darted between them with a frightened curiosity.

"W..what is the Akatsuki?"

"**See Naruto… that there explains a lot. Seeing how your sister figure, that we both know doesn't exist where we come from, is your age it means that the… and I'm going out on a limb here… that this timeline has moved on without the interference of Obito in the very least."**

"You mean?"

"**Yes… It means that wherever we are at the moment… this world, Genjutsu, illusion… whatever it is. The Akatsuki is likely still under the direct control of Yahiko or Nagato, meaning their purpose never became that of Obito and Kurozetsu."**

"Are you saying… what I think you are saying?"

"**That we are possibly in an alternate dimension where the Great War never happened? Yes. I am saying that is a **_**possibility**_**." **

Naruto closed his eyes and looked to Kurama. "This is unreal. How could this be happening to me? I mean, I just went to sleep after helping rebuild the Academy with the others…" He turned to Ino. "Do you know anything about Kaguya Otsutsuki?"

Ino shook her head.

"How about a creepy guy called Kurozetsu. He's half black on one side and his skin is bleached white on the other. He has weird greenish orange eyes and looks like a human Venus fly trap."

She shook her head again. "I don't know who either of those are."

"**Kit… ask about me."**

Naruto glanced back to Kurama. "You mean about the Kyuubi attack?" He nodded. "Hey Ino, do you know about the Kyuubi much? For instance it getting free about seventeen years ago and going on a rampage?"

Ino blinked and shook her head once more. "All I know was what Tou-san told me. He said that your Kaa-san had twins and the strain caused her seal to weaken so much that it broke. The Yondaime divided the Kyuubi in half and sealed half into each of you. The Kyuubi didn't really have a chance to do anything. The village didn't even suffer damage."

"**And you see? There is another thing that proves it. Obito never interfered with your birth and so your parents didn't have to sacrifice themselves to save you. However… Kushina didn't have twins originally. Not that it really matters. It seems that Obito hasn't been interfering much at all."**

Ino sat up strait. "Naruto… er… Kurama, why do you keep asking about Obito-sensei?"

"EH?!"

"**What exactly do you mean girl?"**

"It's just that Obito… or at least Obito Uchiha is a Jonin sensei in the village. He's teaching at the academy in his spare time." She bit her lip uncertainly and seemed to shrink in on herself. "Unless you're talking about a different Obito…"

Naruto sighed. "Looks like the while storyline's been altered then. Kurama. What do you think is going on here?"

"**Beats me. By the looks of it though, I would assume that Rin is still alive."**

"Rin? Are you talking about Rin Nohara? She's Hokage-sama's assistant." Ino looked concerned. "Did she die like my father? Naruto tell me! Where are you from and why are you so different from the Naruto I know?! Why do you have memories of battles that never happened and of people dying who I just talked with yesterday!?"

"Ino-chan…" He sighed. "Kurama and I? We don't know the answer to that. But it's just the opposite for us. We don't know why you spoke with people like Inoichi or Obito when we know they died. Even Obito. I saw him die before my eyes. He died saving my life and yet you say he's alive and well. I don't know what's going on any more than you do."

Naruto pulled a hand through his hair, taking in the sight of the distraught girl. "Even you're different from what I remember. You were a lot more outgoing and bossy than I remember you. And you dress really different. Even the way to talk is like, just more shy than you were."

"**Girl.. look at me…"**

Ino turned her gaze to the Kyuubi.

"**I have lived inside Naruto from the day he was born. Trouble follows him around like a lost puppy and he's never been able to stay out of things that don't concern him. I have watched the entire time… as he has failed… as he has succeeded… as he has lived. I can tell you truthfully girl, I do not understand why we woke up here. Was it not for the fact that it's nearly impossible to cast an illusion over me… I would assume we were trapped inside a powerful Genjutsu." **

"See Ino-chan? We don't know any more than you. It seems to me like you have lived one life completely apart from mine… and the same for me. It's like two different stories written with the same characters…"

"**Quite an accurate description actually. Although… I would say the truth is far more complex than that. I… and this is admittedly a guess… think that we are trapped in a parallel dimension."**

Naruto and Ino shared a look. Naruto frowned. "Well that doesn't sound very good. Is that to say I have _replaced _the version of me that people here know?"

"**It's purely speculation, but perhaps."**

"And would I be going out on a limb to imagine that the _version_ of me from here… is in my place back home?"

"**Sounds fair, but it also seemed to cut and dried for it to be the case. And more to the point all of this is conjecture. For all we know this is an extraordinarily elaborate prank. Although the only one with the skill and balls to try something like this would be you." **The fox snorted loudly. **"Either that or the Uchiha brat is behind this and someone out in the world is missing their sense of humor."**

Naruto deadpanned. "Are you implying that the only way Sasuke would have a sense of humor is if he stole it?"

"**Am I? Oh dear… I do believe you're right."**

"Stupid fox…"

Kurama huffed and levered himself up. **"All joking aside, this is still a serious matter. Although for the time being we have to assume that we are trapped here, seeing how there is no way of us knowing how we came to arrive in the first place." **

"True enough." Naruto stood up, helping Ino as we went. Once both of them were standing he turned to Kurama. "Alright… there's no real point in staying in here for much longer. Plus Ino-chan is gonna run out of chakra sooner or later. I'll see you around. Keep an eye out if anything seems off that I don't notice."

"**Got it. Don't do anything stupid on your end. I know it's your specialty."**

"Eh!? Go fuck off fleabag! I'll summon you to the outside and paint your ass pink!"

"**I'd like to see you try, insolent kit!"**

"Oversized plush toy!"

"**Stubborn retard!"**

"Um… could you stop…?" Ino looked like she might faint from the killing intent being thrown around.

"**Grr… Very well… Get going the both of you. My patience is worn thin."**

"Fine, come on Ino-chan."

"..okay Naruto-kun."

_**OOO**_

_**OOO**_

Ino blinked her eyes open and straightened. A second later she heard a groan from in front of her. As he vision cleared she saw Naruto sitting up. He blinked a few times, looking around. "Well, it looks like we're in an interesting situation huh?"

"Y..yes…" Ino nodded. "I suppose your right… Naruto-kun."

Naruto's eyes turned to lock on hers. "By the way… why are you calling me kun? I mean, it's not that I mind or anything, I'm just not used to it from you." She bit her lip again, something that Naruto noted was a physical tick of hers. Kinda like Hinata and poking her fingers together. It was admittedly a little cute.

"Um.. well I like you Naruto-kun… It's just normally I wouldn't say anything. Usually Hinata-san and Sakura-san are always trying to get your attention and I don't get a chance to say anything." She glanced away hurriedly, a bright blush spreading up her cheeks. "Whether or not you're the Naruto I know I can't help but be like this… It's the first time I've actually been completely alone with you."

"…."

"W..what's wrong?" Ino asked, worried now that she said something wrong.

"Nothing." Naruto sighed. "Can I ask how I _usually _am? You know, how does the Naruto you know act?"

Ino cast her eyes downward. "I'm not sure I should tell you."

"Why not?"

"Well…" She looked back up, sudden determination in her eyes. "I've always liked you. Since we were little you were always to nice to me even if you didn't say much to me otherwise. You look nice…" Ino gulped at his slack jawed expression. "Ah! What I meant to say was you're really handsome..!"

Naruto blinked and directed a finger back to himself. "You're talking about me?"

"Yes." She nodded vehemently. "You're really strong and I like your goals. You always wanted to protect your friends and be Hokage. Dad used to say that he saw you doing great things in the future. I…" Her blush deepened if that were possible. "It's really odd telling you like this but the way _you _are… You're a lot more approachable than the Naruto I know."

"Yeah, at least our goals in life are the same." Naruto turned away. He couldn't even begin to say how awkward this was. She did realize he wasn't the same right? Or was she trying to say that it didn't matter? Or was she confessing to him because she could say it to the 'other him'? "You know this is only the second time a girl has really told me her feelings like this."

Ino's head shook slightly. "No… I didn't. Who though?"

"Er… the Hinata that I knew."

"WHAT?!" Ino's face started turning pale. "She's always…!"

"Wait! The Hinata I know is probably different from the one you know. I know for a fact that you act different from the Ino I grew up with so please don't jump to conclusions." He scratched the back of his head nervously. Damn it. He didn't know how to react in these situations save for being brutally honest. "I didn't mean to stop you. If you're serious about how you feel then I'd want to know. Kurama says I'm dense when it comes to this kind of thing…"

Ino nodded as if that made sense to her. "If… if that's the case then…" Naruto blinked as her hand shot out, grasping his. "I know this is probably very odd. But I like this different you even more than the one I knew. It might sound shallow but I could never tell him how I felt because he was always so cold… You seem so much more open and friendly. You aren't silent and you wear your emotions out on your sleeve." Ino's cheeks colored again. "I _like_ that…"

"I.. Ino-chan…?"

"Forgive me Naruto-kun. For being so sudden…"

Naruto opened his mouth to ask what she meant, only to find her lips pressed to his. Ino's fingers were infiltrating his jacket even as she kissed him. He didn't know how to react for several seconds.

What did he do?!

He'd never been kissed like this except for once and that girl was trying to kill him! This Ino was so completely different from the one he knew and he wasn't even in the reality he recognized as his own! How was he supposed to react to her in this situation?!

Six seconds into the kiss his brain restarted and he dipped into Jiraiya's infinite well of wisdom, acquired from nearly three years with his Godfather. As the old man would have said. If you don't know what to do and it isn't going to kill you, go with the flow.

So he kissed back.

And he wasn't too afraid to take some hints from Jiraiya's book series either. After all he was the one he forced to proof read all of his erotic literature. So… it seemed like Jiraiya wasn't a _completely _useless pervert. Just a regular run of the mill one.

Certainly Ino enjoyed it. As he deepened the kiss Ino let a small moan pass her lips. In the same moment her hands slipped under his jacket, finding his chiseled muscles. He couldn't help but enjoy it just as much. The satin of her lips and the needy touch of her hands were turning him on fast. It didn't help that she'd pressed in so close, her breasts caught between them and rubbing against him.

Naruto was finding rather quickly that he loved this. The hot kiss, deepening the longer they stayed connected, was sweet. It made him wonder if she'd been eating chocolate not too long ago. And her scent was mixing with the aroma of the flowers that filled the shop. Kami this was amazing. He le his hands wander, his fingers smoothing over the exposed skin of her waist until they found the small of her back.

Ino gasped into his open mouth as he pulled her harder against his chest. "Na_ruto_…" She moaned again and Naruto couldn't help but groan when her hips ground down on his lap. They broke apart for a brief second and both sucked in a quick breath before they closed for a second time. Neither noticed the door opening to their left.

"Onii-chan! I brought mom as fast as I could once I explained the… situation…to… her…"

Naruto's eyes, which had drifted closed shortly after returning the kiss, snapped open. They flicked to the side, taking in the sight of two women in the doorway. First was his presumed sister, who looked like she was halfway between a blush and a full scale Futon jutsu aimed at his face. Her expression was slowly twisting into something that would have terrified Shikamaru, instilled not some small fear in Pervy Sage, but barely made him wince.

After a few years with Sakura… he'd seen worse.

Still, that didn't prevent him from disengaging from Ino, who mewled in protest, or glancing at the figure behind his newly acquired sister figure.

She was of average height, perhaps a bit taller with red hair down to the backs of her knees. She was wearing a green dress over a white short sleeved shirt. He thought he recognized the outfit as being similar to what she wore in his mindscape when he fought Kurama. However the part that disturbed him was the odd combination of expressions mixing in her beautiful features.

First and foremost seemed to be anger, followed by disappointment, and yet heavily influenced by smugness. He honestly didn't know where the smug look came from, but the rest was fairly clear.

…just not focused on him.

"So… Naruko-chan… please tell me… you claimed that Naruto-kun was in some kind of trouble and that he'd lost his memory of you. You also claimed that the Kyuubi was giving you trouble, but right about the time I took a look at your seal, the _trouble _went away. And now we sprint halfway across Konoha to help and instead of an unconscious young man this is what I find?"

Naruko was lost for words as her head turned from Kushina, to Naruto and back again. "I.. ! This?! It wasn't like this when I left!"

Kushina seemed to ignore this as she stepped further into the flower shop. Her fierce blue eyes bore down on Ino with the crushing weight of an angry parent. Naruto felt the killing intent rolling over him… _He _didn't so much as blink, but he'd been there to fight Madara and Kaguya. This was beyond nothing to him. However Ino wasn't so lucky. She'd frozen, still almost straddling him, her hands having failed to return to her person. Her baby blue eyes were wide with terror as her face paled to resemble parchment.

"K…K…Kushina…?!" She yelped as the matron of the Uzumaki clan placed a hand on her shoulder, her blood red hair falling into her eyes obscuring her vision. A dark aura permeated the air, filling all (save a certain blond hero of the world) with unimaginable dread. Then ever so slowly Kushina raised her head…

…. to reveal a bright and cheery smile, her white teeth gleaming. "Fucking finally! Some girl at last managed to get the courage to take charge! Now my sochi-kun can start on his harem dattabane!"

**OOO**

**OOO**

**That's it for this chapter. I'll post a poll for the pairing after this. But please be aware. I may or may not use those that receive the most votes. I'm only doing it to gauge which pairings my readers like best. Also… if a girl isn't in the poll… don't expect them to be with Naruto. **

**As always reviews and criticism is welcome. Flames will be ignored. Harassment will result in being reported to FF management. Thank you and enjoy. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again. Back with Chapter 2. Some parts of this chapter read a little slow, but I'm trying to establish the base of this AU. For now, let's not waste any time and get on with the reader reviews.**

**jh831 - I think, to a certain extent, everyone is afraid of their mothers. There is a certain primal sense of terror that comes with pissing off a usually sweet loving person. That said Naruto won't be shivering in his boots. He's dealt with Tsunade. Kushina really isn't much worse. **

**Kuman - Thanks for pointing out the name thing. I'll probably refer to the family as a whole as Namikaze, but since there aren't any other Uzumaki or Namikaze out there to carry on the family name if Kushina or Minato take just one name... I'll have the kids carry different clan names. For instant Naruto with Namikaze while Naruko, being the second born, takes Uzumaki.**

**xSean - You're quite right. There are only a few ninja in the world that can give post Shippuden Naruto trouble. Kage and certain SS-rank ninja would challenge him. But really... only the main antagonists would be a serious threat.**

**(I don't own any part of Naruto.)**

**OOO**

**OOO**

**Chapter 2 - Welcome Home?**

Three things happened all at once. First Naruko face-vaulted, hitting the floor with an audible thump. At the same moment Ino fainted dead away, collapsing on his chest like a rag doll. And lastly Naruto sweat-dropped, looking at his _mother _with something akin to remorse. "Uh… was that really necessary?"

Kushina straightened up and held her hand to her mouth, coughing slightly. " -ahem- I suppose it wasn't but I couldn't help myself! Do you know how long I've been waiting for some girl to make a move on you… Oh, I had something planned for every girl in the village just in case!" Kushina giggled to herself as behind her Naruko slowly got to her feet.

"Kaa-chan… that was totally uncalled for." She bemoaned. "And now Ino's out cold."

The red headed ex-jinchuriki shrugged dismissively. "Not the worst thing that could happen to a girl who kisses my son without permission. She should have known better! All relationships with my boy must be Kushina approved!"

Naruko rubbed her head with a sheepish expression. "Yeah, but you're too scary for anyone to approach you about Naruto."

"Now you listen here young lady." Kushina's eyes blazed with the heat of a thousand suns. "I AM NOT SCARY!" She huffed as Naruko struggled to look her in the eye. Finally she crossed her arms, looked down, and turned her attention to Naruto for the first time. "So… sochi, what's this your sister tells me about forgetting she existed?"

Naruto blinked owlishly. He had no idea what he just watched, but he was already wondering if going rogue was a viable option. _"Just to keep some sanity at least. I mean really... this place is a madhouse." _He glanced down at Ino then back up at the glowering redhead. "Well, I don't know for sure what is going on so can I be blunt?"

Kushina arched one eyebrow. "It would be a refreshing change from how you usually are. I get tired of how socially correct you are sometimes. So much like your father." She made it sound like it was a crime or something.

"Yeah, about that…" Naruto raised one hand to scratch his cheek, wondering how to say what needed to be said without her thinking he was clinically insane. "I think I'm your son."

She snorted.

"..except from a different dimension where you and dad died, I never had a sister, and I was raised indirectly by the Sandaime after the Kyuubi was sealed inside me." He grinned uneasily and let that sink in. "And… uh… so… yeah. That's the short version."

Silence. Utter silence. Naruto, using some of Kurama's chakra, could have heard a pin drop in another building with how quiet the Yamanaka flower shop had become. And all the while Kushina looked... stared at him blankly. A moment passed. Her eye twitched. Naruto tried to force down the growing feeling of unease as she finally spoke.

"I don't know whether to punch you into the middle of the next century for making such an awful joke or smack you upside the head for suggesting that anyone could ever kill me..." She frowned slightly then nodded, as if coming to a difficult decision. "Actually I think I'll do both."

A large frying pan appeared from within the folds of her dress as she stepped forward, preparing to administer what she probably thought was a just punishment.

Naruto abruptly disappeared.

Kushina came to a halt, her head snapping around to see him on the other side of the room, faint flickering yellow flames already fading into his skin and clothes. Ino was in his arms, still quite unconscious. "I wasn't joking ya know."

"What you said was preposterous!" Kushina growled. "Either you're having a mental breakdown or you took some kind of hallucinogenic when you went out with your friends last night." She cracked her fist against the fry pan. "Either way... you're getting your punishment young man."

Naruto grimaced, not knowing how to convince her that he was telling the truth. He tried anyway. "What I said I meant. I'm not the Naruto you've lived with. I just woke up this morning and I'm suddenly here; no explanation or anything. One day I'm helping rebuild the Academy after a Biju-dama turned it into a crater and the next I'm trying figure out why my mother is alive and well, chasing after a sister I never had." He wondered if bringing up the Kyuubi could help his case. After a second he decided it couldn't hurt. "Even Kurama doesn't know what to make of it."

Naruko butted in. "Kurama?"

"The Kyuubi. That's his name." He sighed. "But of course you wouldn't know that would you? You didn't fight alongside him for years and earn his respect. Hell, he only told me his name a couple months back."

Kushina seemed to consider his words for a few seconds. Then, seeming to change the topic, she asked, "How did you do that just now?"

"Huh? Do what?"

"That thing with the yellow chakra."

He frowned. Why was she asking about that? "That was just my Six Paths chakra cloak. It's the final level of the Biju chakra mode I mastered with Kurama's help." At her disbelieving look he dropped his head. "_Anyway_… I don't want to fight and I don't want to get hit for something that I said, which happens to be true."

The fry pan dropped and he took it as a good sign. "I'm actually really happy that I get to see you alive again, but right now I'm still really confused as to what exactly happened and how it happened." Naruto nodded to Naruko. "For instance Kurama says you weren't pregnant with twins when I was born. That's just one thing that doesn't make sense."

Kushina was silent again. "That technique. It really felt like the Kyuubi's chakra. Just more refined." She seemed very hesitant, but after a minute she shook her head. "Naruto.. the Naruto that I gave birth to. The boy I raised. He could never use the Kyuubi's chakra without losing control." She paused again. "You're serious about this? It isn't some…"

"I'm pretty damned sure. If you can't take my word for it then I'm sure there's a way to prove I'm not the Naruto you know."

"For instance?"

Naruto nodded to Naruko again. "Earlier when I helped her escape she begged me to use the Hiraishin. She thinks I can to do it… but I have no clue how to even start it. I know you need Fuinjutsu, but Jiraiya only taught me the basics before he died."

Kushina stiffened. "Your godfather is… dead?"

"Not here I don't think. Where I come from he died fighting the leader of an S-rank criminal organization headed by a former student of his."

"You..." She stepped forward. "You're not even broken up about it?! Any son of mine would be heartbroken if his Godfather died!"

Naruto's eyes dimmed a bit. He didn't like where this was going. "No. I got over it. Took a while. It's kinda hard to mourn someone when the same guy who killed him turns your village into a smoking crater in the ground. Or when he impales one of your only friends moments after she confesses her feelings for you. That's not counting the Fourth Great War that came after." He glanced down at the girl still in his arms. "From what Ino told me… you've been living in paradise."

At first it seemed like he'd gotten through to her but Kushina abruptly shook her head, violently so. "Listen here young man..." Naruto swore under his breath. He'd been told about how stubborn his mother was. "I don't know who you think you are and I'm damn certain you're not the Naruto I know because he would neve…"

Flaring his chakra, Naruto infused it into his gaze, silencing her with a look. But it wasn't long before he let his power slip away. He bit his lip and tried not to give into the frustration building up inside. "Ya know, I didn't think that the next time I we got to meet you'd be so angry with me. Then again... it's only the second time." He chuckled a bit. "I should be hugging you right now and thanking whoever is responsible for this for letting me see you alive at least once. And having a sister isn't so bad either…" He looked down. "And Ino in this world or time or whatever… she reminds me a lot of Hinata-hime from my home. I guess I'm just really bad at handling situations like this."

Naruto raised his head again. "Could we maybe start over… Kaa-san..?"

Kushina didn't move for a long while and when she did it was to unclench her fists and stand straight. She glanced at her daughter, her eyes wary. "Do you believe him?"

"Unfortunately yeah. Kinda hard not to. We can both sense emotions. He's not being untruthful. Just sad and confused." She frowned, looking between her mother and seemingly different brother. "It just hard to wrap my head around it. You woke up in his bed and you're suddenly a different version of him?"

"I never said it was easy to understand. I don't understand it either. And when Ino entered my mindscape she told us all kinds of things that are impossible where I come from. As far as I can tell, you haven't entered the Fourth Great Shinobi War have you?" Naruto aimed this question at Kushina, who took a step back.

"No…"

Naruto let out a long breath, a tired breath. "Well… where I come from the war just ended. Konoha was almost destroyed and we lost eighty percent of our people, civilian and Shinobi alike. The other villages lost nearly seventy percent of their people combined. Out of the nine Jinchuriki, only three remain. Some clans like mine and Sasuke's only have one remaining member. If it wasn't for Tsunade and her healing abilities we would have lost all five Kage to a single battle."

Kushina had gone quite pale, matching Naruko's already pallid complexion. Naruto looked down at Ino. "Ino-chan lost both her parents when a Biju-dama dropped on HQ. Shikamaru lost his too. So many people died that most of us lost count."

A single dark laugh escaped him. "It's more horrible than you can imagine. You get done attending five funerals in a row, then remember a friend you lost during the war. Someone you might have forgotten was dead in the first place. And it all starts again." His eyes met Kushina's again. "I've been keeping a smile on my face for a long time ya know. I'd really like the chance to meet all the friends I lost… if I can."

"Okay." Kushina's shoulder slumped, defeated. "…lets go back the house and talk this over. I'll summon Minato as soon as I can."

"Thanks… Kaa-san."

**OOO**

**OOO**

A half an hour later Naruto found himself, a little less depressed now, sitting on a couch in the Namikaze family home. Turned out that he didn't wake up in his apartment at all, which would explain why everything was so messed up. He was just amazed that he'd been too slow to notice it wasn't even the same room. However, despite being embarrassed, he didn't show it… much.

Sitting across from him were Naruko and Kushina. Both watched him expectantly as his eyes roamed over the living room. He did his best to ignore their looks. It felt so awkward. And why did they have to seem so eager to hear about mass killing that never even involved them?

Fuck this was still giving him a headache!

"So… Naruto, where do you want to start?"

Naruto glanced back to his mother, his breath coming out in a long sigh. "Honestly? I would prefer if I didn't have to recount what happened during an entire war more than I need to. Could you maybe tell me more about this place since it seems like I'm stuck here?"

Kushina and Naruko shared a look. The blond girl turned back to him. "Where would you want us to start?"

"How about with the day we were born and follow up with important events after that?"

Naruko turned to her mother. "I think you're more qualified for this one. I only know recent history… since I kinda didn't pay attention in that class."

Kushina gave a small nearly imperceptible glare for that comment and turned to her son. "Well… to start off with we found out I was pregnant some eighteen years ago. I carried it well given my Uzumaki heritage. There wasn't anything that really happened during those months. The first incident of note happened when I gave birth. It turned out that, unexpectedly, I was carrying twins. Since we had so many enemies in the village and me and Minato married in secret, we never checked to make sure whether I had twins. Normally we would have found a nurse in secret but I was stubborn and decided that I didn't need a nurse to tell me my baby would be just fine."

She colored a bit. "Hiruzen's wife, who delivered them was quite surprised when I had twins, Naruko coming out second. Both of you were so small…" Kushina smiled then as she continued. "But the strain of both of you caused the seal to unravel despite all of Minato's attempts to keep it in place. The Kyuubi escaped. Fortunately Minato had come up with several contingency plans just in case. The first one failed immediately because I was too weak to use my sealing chains and the Kyuubi was too fast to be caught by Minato's usual Fuinjutsu."

"So… he didn't sacrifice himself to use the Reaper Death seal and cut the Kyuubi in half?"

"Wha? No heavens no. He had a sealing array in place that was nearly twenty meters across placed around the entire area. The moment the Kyuubi appeared its chakra was siphoned off. He still had to redirect two Biju-dama before it was done but the Kyuubi was robbed of all its chakra. After that I had recovered enough to use my power to separate the Kyuubi into two halves. As the previous Jinchuriki I was the only one who knew the Kyuubi's power intimately enough to do it." She grinned lopsidedly. "Hurt like hell… almost as bad as giving birth… but that's how it goes I guess."

Naruto considered how things had gone down in his world. "In my version the sealing was interrupted and dad was forced to fight..." Naruto was about to say 'Obito' but remembered what Ino had said about Obito being alive and a member of Konoha. He decided not to mention it. "...someone who knew his fighting style." he finished lamely.

The two girls across from him gave him odd looks but he pressed on quickly. "The Kyuubi went on a rampage, destroying only a small part of the village, but decimating our Shinobi forces. I don't know if the seal was still in place when it happened but dad was forced to use the Reaper Death Seal to divide the Kyuubi in two, placing its physical chakra in me and the spiritual chakra in himself just before the Shinigami took his soul. The Kyuubi had just enough power left to try and kill me and you and dad both threw yourselves in front of the attack, not having enough time to do anything else. I survived but both of you died."

"That's horrible." Naruko breathed. "What happened after that?"

"Well with dad dead, Sandaime jiji took up the title. He tried to keep me safe as best he could but because both of you died and no one know you married except for a few, I was legally a civilian. Things only got worse when someone leaked the details of my 'condition' to the villagers. The Civilian council made my life a living hell until I enrolled in the Academy. I didn't even know the Kyuubi was sealed inside me until I was thirteen."

He gestured for them to pick up the story again. "Anyway.. continue with what happened after the Kyuubi was sealed."

Kushina accepted that and continued as asked. "Life was normal for three or four months. After that we revealed to the village at large that we'd married in secret and already had children. The village took it well. After that there were several attempts on my life and your father's. There were even more attempts to kidnap you and your sister. We never found any evidence that could directly link it to Iwa or Kumo though. Not for three years at least. By that time I was pregnant again."

"I…" He paused. "I have more siblings here?"

Naruko nodded quickly. "Yeah! There's you and me, the eldest. Followed by Koji. He's fourteen now and a Chunin. He's out on a mission with his Jonin sensei. Then there's Kara and Mito. They're also twins. Dad always jokes about having special genes since mom had twins twice. Both of them came two years after Koji. And last is Hitomi. She's eight."

A long breath escaped Naruto as he leaned back. "Wow… I feel really jealous right now. The version of me who was here actually had a real family. Jeeze, It's not that I didn't have people that were like family to me, but it was still hard when I was little."

"So you really didn't have anyone besides the Sandaime?"

He laughed quietly. "Ayame and her old man were always nice to me. They're probably the reason I didn't starve when Jiji's checks disappeared." He made air quotes with his fingers to emphasize the _disappeared._ "I found out that a lot of the clan heads helped me in little ways over the years, but I didn't have any real friends until I took the Chunin exams. But things happened then and I lost some other people."

Kushina rubbed at her eyes. "Even though I know you aren't the same, you're still my son and it's hard to hear all this… Who did you lose during the Chunin exams?"

"Can you answer a question first?"

"I suppose."

"Where is Orochimaru currently?"

Kushina blinked. "Orochimaru? Oh… after he got done sulking over not being made Hokage Minato offered him a job as our foremost researcher into bloodlines and new jutsu. He's currently our number five seal master in the village. He's also one of the few people to study how to break seals as well as make them, which is almost exclusively and Uzumaki talent." She made a sour face. "He's still as surly as ever, not the nicest person in the world, but he's invaluable to the village."

Naruto licked his lips and nodded. "I see. Then I don't want you to be biased against him when I tell you this. He might be a completely different person form the Orochimaru I know."

"Who is…?"

"Possibly the second most vile man in the Elemental nations. A few years after Jiji took back the mantle of Hokage, Orochimaru was found experimenting on children. He went on a crazy quest for immortality and ultimate power. Sasuke killed him but the bastard found some way to come back. In my world he's serving out his time as one of the only living seal masters still alive. The only reason we haven't executed him is because of all the knowledge we'd lose if he died."

"That's, I know he's…"

"Don't worry about it. Tragedy can change people. It's very possible that whatever happened to him to make him like he as didn't occur here. Just like a few other people who Ino told me about."

"Like who?!"

Naruto shook his head. "Telling you about Orochimaru is bad enough without context. Once the old man and Inoichi are back then we can talk about it. I'll need a more skilled Yamanaka to project my memories for everyone. Just me telling you doesn't do it justice." Naruto scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Then again some of it is pretty disjointed. I did make a shit ton of Kage Bunshin for just about everything… If it wasn't for the final battle against Kaguya I'd say clones and the Rasengan won the war."

Kushina blinked. "Shadow clones? That sounds more like your sister here. She was always a clone junkie."

"Okay that is so not cool mom! I beat Jonin all the time just with those alone!" She glanced at Naruto. "So how did you use Rasengan if mom and dad died?"

"Ero-Senin taught me. I actually used it to win a bet too. Basically elected the new Hokage in the process." Naruto chuckled as more humorous memories surfaced. "Oh man… I wonder what would have happened if Jiraiya got stuck as Hokage. Now there's a thought. The hot springs would all suddenly be co-ed and Icha-Icha would be a mandatory training aid for Jonin."

A dark aura suddenly surrounded Kushina. "Don't tell me Naruto…. _you _enjoy reading that… filth?"

Naruto blinked. "Me? Hell no. His first book was alright, but the smut was annoying. Plus he was constantly trying to get me into all these awkward situations hoping for 'research material'. I don't know how, but I came out unscathed. Though it was pretty fun watching granny Tsunade beat the ever loving crap out of him when he came back to the village."

"Oh… well that's good to hear! At least one man in the family isn't into that. I've been attempting to get your father off of it and prevent your little brother from being tainted. It isn't going my way thus far." She cast her eyes to the side. "And they aren't the only ones. I've been meaning to ask you Naruko-chan. where did you get the Icha-Icha platinum edition from that I found under your bed?"

The blond girl went ruby red and then white as parchment. She gulped once and shifted away from her mother, eyes wary. "It's not mine I swear! It's Koji's I'm telling you! He just uses that as his hiding place!"

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Well I…."

Kushina's eyes flashed with self righteous fury as she leaned in. Over on the couch Naruto found himself oddly immune to this massive killing intent. His sister on the other hand was shivering with dread. And it was at this very moment that they all heard a shout from the front door of the house.

"Nii-san!"

Naruto looked to the side just in time to receive a face full of crimson hair and feel a small body fall on top of him. He barely kept his deadly reflexes in check as the little girl… who he tentatively identified as the afore mentioned Hitomi… hugged him.

"Nii-san! You're back!"

"I uh…." Naruto blinked at the little girl sat up on his lap, her tiny hands grasping handfuls of his jacket. He took in her appearance. She was tall for her age, with fair skin and crimson hair a few shades darker than Kushina's. It was almost as long as she was tall. She was wearing a long sleeve green shirt and loose black pants. Her ninja sandals could be seen on the floor by the couch. What caught his attention were the eyes. Unlike the eyes of all three in the room besides her, which were bright blue, her eyes were a mysterious red. Not deep crimson like the Kyuubi, but a lighter red lacking any pupil.

"Nii-san… you woke up really late! Now you get to train me like you promise last week! You promise Nii-san!" She tugged at the front of his jacket with surprising strength, dragging his head forward. His forehead collided with her smaller one with a dull smack. "Nii-san is always busy but now Nii-san gets to help me! I want to learn Rasengan like Nee-chans and Nii-chan!"

Naruto's eyes cut to the side, a slightly hopeless expression on his face. Only Kushina and Naruko were looking back at him with something approaching grins. Then they started giggling. Naruto, feeling like he was trapped here, directed his eyes back to his new little sister. "Um… how is your chakra control?"

"Nii-san! You always ask me that! You have Kyu-chan! My chakra control is better than you!"

Naruto sweat-dropped as Kushina and Naruko abruptly burst out laughing. He grunted and made a sealless Kage Bunshin. He then switched with the clone who in turn dispersed. All of this happened in the blink of an eye, leaving Hitomi sitting on the couch and Naruto relaxing on the other arm.

The two girls stopped laughing as they opened their eyes and saw that Naruto had magically disappeared from underneath his little sister. Kushina straightened. "How did you do that Naruto? I thought you said you didn't know Hirashin?"

"I don't, but as Kakashi-sensei once told me, master the basics. I've mastered the basics better than most Kage. That was just a very quick substitution with a clone."

"How many can you make without seals?" Naruko looked a little awestruck.

"I don't know. A little over two hundred?"

"Wow… over two-_hundred_ without handseals? That's way better than I can do. I don't even know if I can do three sealless."

Naruto shrugged and turned to his mother. "Is she ready to learn Rasengan? I was thirteen when I learned it."

Kushina frowned. "I'm not saying she can't because she can, but none of us really had the time to teach her. I teach an advanced course in Fuinjutsu and Kenjutsu five days a week, not including the occasional mission. Minato is Hokage and he gives lessons on jutsu creation and Ninjutsu theory with Orochimaru in his spare time. Naruko is training to be a Jonin. Kara and Mito are both on the same squad and they're always out on missions. Regardless neither of them are very good with Rasengan anyway." She sighed. "_You're_ always away doing who knows what. Taking solo missions without so much as a warning, coming home weeks later."

He scowled. "Then that's what I'll do… but you're still going to have to fill me in on events in this reality. This is just a distraction for the moment."

Both girls nodded and Hitomi, who was now glaring balefully at him, muttered. "Nii-san is making excuses again."

Naruto shook his head. "No… I'll show you, but I won't make it easy. Come on." He glanced to his mother. "There a small training field nearby?"

"Actually there's one behind the house."

Naruko grinned. "Perks of dad being Hokage."

Naruto rolled his eyes and, feeling a bit more sure of himself he walked out the back of the house, swiftly followed by the other three. Hitomi in fact latched onto his leg like a small rabid animal and refused to let go until they were standing in the center of the small training area. Naruto inspected the area as she prepared herself. It was about thirty feet wide and twenty feet across. To one side was a large garden and to the other was what looked like a stack of training dummies.

"Nii-san…"

He turned back to the redheaded little girl who was now looking up at him expectantly. "Okay, has anyone explained to you the three basic steps?"

She nodded. "Tou-san told me." Then she pointed at him. "I want to see you do it too. I never saw you really do it!"

A small smile curled the corner of his lips as he asked, "Which one?"

Hitomi crossed her small arms. "All of them!"

Naruto shook his head. "I know over thirty variations on the base Rasengan. Plus at least six of them are far too dangerous to do inside the village." He frowned. "Actually make that half… I'm forgetting that I need Sage mode to make most of them stable."

Hitomi's jaw had dropped at the number, but she wasn't the only one in shock. Naruko and his mother were gaping at him. "Thirty?!" his mother shouted. "How could you know thirty?!"

In answer Naruto only held out his right hand and called on his chakra. It was easy… so unbelievably easy. Nearly effortless in fact. Making the Rasengan after so many times was only slightly more difficult than breathing.

As he funneled chakra to his palm bright blue strands of chakra began to coalesce into a sphere about six inches across. He frowned, thinking that wasn't really up to his usual standard. Maybe that might have been something he made as a Genin, but not after fighting Kaguya and countering Sasuke's final attack.. Indara's Arrow. He let his chakra flow stronger, the ball expanding to six times its original size.

"This is the Odama Rasengan. I made it after I realized that the regular version isn't strong enough to break through a lot of reflective defensive jutsu. This can blow through just about any defensive technique. It will even grind right though chakra laced steel. But the downside is you have to have a ton of chakra or amazing chakra control. I still only have Chunin level chakra control for the sheer amount of chakra I have."

Kushina stepped forward wonderingly. "That's larger than anything my husband has done with it… how long did it take to make something this large and maintain it?"

Naruto smirked. "Making the Rasengan is second nature to me. This is easier for me than shun-shin. I could maintain this for days if I had to. The Kyuubi tried to estimate my actual chakra reserves a while back. He says I have more chakra naturally than the Gobi… and only slightly less than the Rokubi." He held out his other hand and in seconds a second ball of the same size appeared. "I have a special technique that I've been attempting in my free time. It's basically combining two fully formed Rasengan into one. That's the proof of how good I am with Chakra Shape manipulation."

"Nii-san… jiii…."

"How about I teach Hitomi how to do it now?" He asked nervously. For some reason he was much more afraid of an eight year old than he was of the Red hot Habanera.

Kushina and Naruko nodded before retreating. Naruto sighed and crouched down in front of the tiny redhead who was still glaring at him. "Okay… so gather as much chakra as you can and gather it into a single point on your palm."

Hitomi held out her hand and started doing just that.

Naruto nodded once he felt she'd gathered enough. "Okay now I want you to try and rotate it. If you can't do that try to make it uneven like when we walk on rough water."

"Nii-san… I only started water-walking last week…"

"Doesn't matter. It took my friend Sakura a long time to get water-walking down and she has near perfect chakra control. Now just vibrate the chakra fo…." Naruto stopped what he was saying as tiny wisps of blue chakra formed on her palm. They were already starting to rotate slowly. "Well that's better than I did the first time." He grimaced inwardly. Or at least she was doing better than he was while she had instruction. Jiraiya just handed him water balloons and told him to hop to it.

He stood back as she tried to rotate the chakra faster. Obviously this was going to take her a while. She didn't have his massive reserves. Although being an Uzumaki would help her reserves considerably. Still she was eight years old. Even if she was trained with chakra control from the time Kakashi or Itachi was… the Rasengan was a very advanced technique for most people. "Hitomi… keep doing that until the chakra makes a tight spiral. When that happens or your run out of chakra tell me."

The little girl nodded curtly, her expression a scowl of concentration. It was kinda cute. Naruto sighed again and turned on his heel, walking over to the other two girls. Naruko raised an eyebrow. "Not going to show her anything else right now?"

"No… the Rasengan is simple… which is why it's so hard. There is no trick to it unless you cheat with clones. She either has the chakra reserves and control necessary or she doesn't."

"Cheat with clones?" Kushina questioned.

Yeah… most people have a hard time looking in two directions at once don't they? But with a Kage Bunshin it's easy as both of you looking in two different directions. It's the same with using Rasengan. If you don't have the control needed then you make a shadow clone. You supply the chakra and the clone uses your linked chakra to rotate it for you. That way you don't lose control of the jutsu." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I needed a clone to help me for a long time because my chakra control always sucked."

Naruko grinned. "I never thought of that. Took me almost a month to learn how to do it… sheesh."

"A month? Took me a week."

Kushina blinked in shock. "What? It took our Naruto three months to master it."

Naruto crossed his arms. "Has he mastered elemental release too?"

"Well, not yet. He's been focusing on Fuinjutsu and controlling the Kyuubi's chakra better."

"Huh… Well he's never going to master Kurama unless he earns his respect first. Why do you think that Kirabi and Yugito from Kumo have full control over their Biju? It isn't because they're better ninja than everyone else. It's because they get along with Matatabi and Gyuki."

Kushina and Naruko were dumbstruck again. "You know the personal names of three Biju?!" Naruko looked amazed. "I didn't even know they had personal names!"

Naruto frowned. "I know all nine Biju personally. I've fought alongside all of them too." He looked away from their startled faces. "The Biju are misunderstood. If people didn't try to take advantage of them they wouldn't be known as forces of evil or destruction. I'd have released Kurama ages ago if I wouldn't kill me to do so."

"…."

"I should probably also mention I have a small piece of chakra from every single Biju as part of the last great war."

Kushina blinked in astonishment. "But… _how_?"

"Let's just say that it's a really _really_ long story. You'll see it in my memories. You wouldn't believe me otherwise."

"Is there anything else astonishing you would like us to know? Maybe you played a game of Shogi with Kami herself. Or perhaps you've gone back in time to meet the Sage of Six Paths?" Kushina's tone was sarcastic, but unfortunately she didn't see Naruto's face stiffen at the mention of a certain sage. Naruko however, did notice.

"Onii-chan?"

Naruto was struggling to keep from laughing. Should he tell them he'd actually met the Sage of Six Paths and… not only that… but told the guy off for his odd way of speaking? Maybe that was too much for them? And then there was all the problems surrounding this. He hadn't even come to mention Kaguya. Now there was a whole new level of insanity.

"Naruto? What is that look for?"

He coughed lightly and looked away. "Eh… nothing really. I was just thinking about something."

"Like?"

"Nothing… really…." Just his first meeting with the Sage of Six Paths and the nickname he'd given him. Naruto chuckled, barely able to hold it in. _"Super Sage Gramps.. hehe…." _Forcing himself to stop the laugh that was rapidly approaching, Naruto drew in a deep breath. "Well it's not nothing but you'll see later. You'd probably be appalled though. I was never known for my subtlety or my respect for my elders."

Kushina smile a bit. "It sounds like you took after me unlike the Naruto who grew up here."

"Yeah… Kakashi-sensei says the same thing. He says that the only thing about me that isn't like you is my appearance. I don't mind though, hell, I wouldn't have said no to the red hair though…" He grumbled to himself as he turned his gaze back to Hitomi.

Naruko glanced between her mother and Naruto as if trying figure out what he was holding back. Eventually she gave up though. Instead she elbowed her brother in the ribs. "Hey, you said you had a ton of variants on the Rasengan and you're awesome with Clones… Plus you've got full control of the Kyuubi. What else can you do?"

Naruto coughed and looked straight ahead. "I've mastered Sage mode. I have full mastery over futon chakra. I'm faster than anyone without a teleportation technique. After that… admittedly not much. During war you don't usually have time to learn and train in new things. Most of us where I come from specialize instead of branching out. Where I'm from, Ino never even started elemental chakra manipulation but she was even better than her father at certain mind techniques. And Shikamaru could hold a Biju by himself using his shadows. Hinata learned how to use a Hyuuga Clan Secret technique that hasn't been seen in almost two hundred years… Everyone became really strong."

His sister's lips made an O of amazement. "Shikamaru can restrain a Biju by himself?!"

"Not for very long, but he's a genius with strategy. As soon as I'm Hokage I'm dragging his lazy butt over to be my advisor. He'd call it troublesome and no doubt he'd never start complaining about losing out on his cloud watching time. But there isn't someone I'd rather have helping me."

Kushina's eyes fell on him. "But the Shikamaru here isn't the one you grew up with. He might look the same, but he didn't go through the same things as you did. He hasn't seen war."

"Like I don't know that." Naruto grimaced again. "From a certain perspective I would like nothing more than to stay here. But at the same time I can't help but feel bad that I'm not back home helping them rebuild."

He chuckled, imaging everyone he'd left behind. "Sakura-chan is probably freaking out right now. Granny Tsunade is going to be shouting and throwing stuff at everyone. Kakashi will probably be reading Icha-Icha in the background… It's just all so clear to me, knowing them. Lee and Guy-sensei are most likely in the middle of some race to see how fast they can collect an ungodly amount of lumber the fastest…"

Naruko put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, It's not your fault. You just woke up in another world for all you know."

"You're right about that."

She smirked. "As bad as it sounds you're a lot more open than the brother I've been living with. You even _smile_ sometimes! It's great ya know? Like suddenly having another brother."

Naruto rolled his eyes and made a single handseal. He was suddenly engulfed in smoke. Kushina and Naruko watched warily for a moment until it dispersed. Both of their jaws dropped when an attractive blond girl leapt out, putting her arm around Naruko's shoulder."

"Fooled ya! Actually a girl, Dattebayo!"

Naruko went very red for a moment before she exploded. "You… you faker! You're not a girl, that's just a really stupid henge see!" She reached out and prodded Naruto in the breast hard. Her eyes widened when the henge didn't fail. The now female Naruto rubbed the spot annoyed.

"Oi… that wasn't nice sis…"

"Y..y..you're a girl?!"

"Nah, just messing with ya." Naruto exploded into smoke again, blinding them for a moment. When he reappeared he was once again male. "That's another one of the skills I picked up. I can make a solid transformation that isn't dispelled on touch. Of course they already have jutsu for that but it's a lot easier than those."

The blond in front of him stuttered for a moment longer before she was able to regain her composure. "That wasn't nice Naruto!"

"Well… being nice all the time would get boring. Besides I haven't been able to really prank anyone for months. Doing it in the middle of a war was liable to get me killed and people still don't have a sense of humor for it right now." He grinned. "Even with all that's happened, it's nice to be able to let loose once in a while."

Kushina shook her head violently. "Honestly, you and Naruko are almost the same personality wise. It is somewhat disturbing."

"I aim to please! Except when I'm aiming to make a bunch of people feel awkward, stupid, and or clumsy." He gave an enthusiastic thumbs up. "Since I'm stuck here for the moment… or at least I'm assuming I'm stuck here since I don't know how to get back... I'm going to satisfy myself with ruining my own reputation here."

Naruko grinned as well, a demonic gleam entering her eyes. "I couldn't agree more with you Onii-chan."

"Now.. now… I don't think the two of you need to be going around causing chaos right now. Naruto won't even have much of an opportunity to…"

Kushina's words fell on deaf ears. "So who do we prank first? Personally I'm all in favor of Kiba. His reactions are always the best." Naruto rubbed his hands together in gleeful anticipation. "Or maybe Sakura… or Neji."

Naruko's grin became predatory as she nodded. "Or all three…"

"Or that. Yeah… I can see how this works out. First we steal Sakura's panties and hide them with Neji. It'll be tricky doing it, but if they're in his room then what can he say?"

"Oh yeah! I can totally see this. And then we can link this into Kiba with a bit of dog hair. Sakura's always so observant so if we can get her into Neji's room then she'd see it immediately. Plus he's been trying to get _into_ her panties since he accidently saw her naked at the hot springs a while back. It would be totally believable…"

"But the question is…" Naruto hummed. "How do we actually get Sakura to turn beat red?"

"I don't know… there isn't much that makes her flustered." Naruko deflated a bit. "That's actually a problem. Unless it's a pretty boy she doesn't really get embarrassed."

"I've got an idea then… Do you have a camera?"

Naruko snorted. "Do I have a camera you ask? Of course I have one! Couldn't get much in the way of quality blackmail without it."

"Good." Naruto nodded to himself. "So I'm really good at forging other handwriting. It's how I got by as a little kid. Just hand the note to the shopkeeper with old man Third's signature and they can't do shit. All I have to do is distract Sasuke with my solid henge… I'll henge into Sakura and then you get pictures of it."

"Okay… go on."

"Then we put those pictures in a big folder. That folder will say they're pictures Neji was taking at Sakura's request.. and that the panties are _payment _for services rendered. I'll forge both their signatures onto a contract since I know Sakura's like the back of my hand. Neji's should be easy once I get a sample of his signature… Most Hyuuga write the same anyway. Should be the same as Hinata-chan."

Naruko licked her lips. "I can almost taste the rumors that are going to go around after this. Any reinforcing crossties with Kiba you think?"

"Well, if we are having Sakura _framed_ for having the hots for Sasuke and having Neji take pictures of it while it's happening… In my world Sakura is nuts for Sasuke anyway, but Neji taking pictures would be the last thing she wanted."

"Sakura liking that hopeless romantic? As if. Sakura's into your alter ego."

"Really?" Naruto frowned. "That's completely opposite to my version of things. But if Sakura doesn't like Sasuke here then it's way better! She'd be mortified!"

"I know…" Naruko's lips puckered in thought… "No… we're missing something. On Sakura's end… She needs to have something from Sasuke to make this believable. And it needs to be something that doesn't need to be searched for…"

Naruto nodded. "I need to know though. Is Sakura obsessive about her appearance here? She used to be in my world."

"A little bit, but more so if she thinks you're going to be there."

"Then can you make a reverse shadow mark seal?"

Naruko blinked in confusion. "What the hell is that?"

"It's a seal that is placed on someone. It's completely invisible to anyone but those the user decides. So we could put a tattoo shaped seal on Sakura that she couldn't see… but everyone else could. Pervy Sage showed me how to do the original version but I'm not good enough to do it backwards without messing something up."

"I don't know… but if you showed me how to do the original I could probably reverse engineer it to have the same effect…."

"That's good then we can us…."

-SMACK!- -THWAP!-

Naruko held her head as a metal cooking pan seemed to appear out of nowhere and slam down on top of her head. At the same time Naruto, who was about to suffer this same fate, substituted with one of the nearby training dummies. Kushina growled to both of them, "Okay… I don't care if you prank the living hell out of anyone! Hell I'd help you if you asked, but I'll be damned if you both ignore me when I'm talking to you!"

"Sorry Kaa-chan…." Naruko moaned as she rubbed the top of her head. "That hurt…"

"Well it damn well better have! Now Naruto, what do you have to say for yourself?"

Standing off to the side, five feet behind Hitomi, Naruto scratched the back of his head apologetically. "Sorry, but I kinda forgot you were there. It's been so long since I pranked anyone. I was getting into it a bit too much."

She huffed angrily. "As for the dog boy I heard Tsume mention he has something about cats that he won't talk to anyone in the family about."

Naruko suddenly stopped rubbing her head and Naruto straightened. The younger sibling looked up. "Wait? Are you seriously conspiring with us now?"

"And what if I am? Are mothers not allowed to prank people… or have fun with their kids? I wasn't aware my husband passed such a ridiculous law. I'll need to half a serious talk with him when he gets back."

"Well I don't mind if she joins in this tim… ACK!?"

Naruko and Kushina turned just in time to see…

"RASENGAN!"

Naruto was blown forwards by the impact of the attack, his jacket shredded as he hit the fence in front of him. Standing where he had been a few seconds before was Hitomi with hand outstretched. Her red eyes were burrowing into him like a drill. "Nii-san wasn't listening…" She growled ominously.

A second later Naruto sat up, holding the side of his head. "What the hell? I feel like a bratty little sister hit me with a stage one Rasengan…" He looked up, his expression annoyed. "Oh wait. That's exactly what happened, my bad." Naruto glared at Hitomi who proceeded to cross her arms and do an about face.

Naruko had to hold in the fit of giggles trying to burst free. Meanwhile Kushina looked horrified. "Hitomi Uzumaki Namikaze! What the hell do you think you were just doing?! Do you realize how much you could have hurt your brother with that if you hit him lower!?"

Hitomi, unrepentant, closed her eyes and huffed. "Nii-san wasn't paying attention."

"Listen here you little… We're going in the house to talk about how you're never going to do that ever again!" Kushina stalked over to her youngest and her finger's latched into the girl's collar. She then proceeded to drag the girl… now kicking and screaming… into the house. At the door she stopped and turned to the two elder siblings. "I'll be a while. Naruko… why don't you show your brother around and tell him what's different from his world?"

"Um… okay?" Naruko nodded, sweat-dropping.

A moment later the door slammed and screams could be heard from inside the Namikaze home. It was nearly a minute before she turned to Naruto. "So uh… want to go to Ichiraku?"

"Do you need to ask?"

**OOO**

**OOO**

A short while later two blonds walked into the ramen stand in the middle of the village. The first thing they both saw was a mop of spiky black hair… make that two mops… and a little girl with long ebony hair down her back.

Naruko glanced to the side as Naruto froze in his steps, looking momentarily shocked. It required nearly a minute for him to suppress his surprise and sit down next to the nearest of them. Naruto called for Ayame and a second later the ramen girl poked her head out of the back.

"Hey.. look what the wind blew in. Finally decided to come back and eat here again huh?"

Naruto blinked and shook his head rapidly. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I'd come here every day if I could."

Ayame rolled her eyes. "Whatever Mr. Namikaze. What will it be?"

"Um…" Naruto held his chin in a competitive pose. "I'll have six miso ramen, three beef ramen, and one chicken ramen."

Naruko burst out laughing at Ayame's expression. "Ha! The bottomless pit is back! Take that Ayame and be glad that you're profits will start soaring again!"

Ayame just nodded and disappeared from view. Naruto shook his head smiling and turned to look at the three others sitting at the bar. "So…" He tried hard not to sound like a complete idiot. "...Itachi.. Sasuke? How's it going?"

The two Uchiha had already turned to look at him, their faces expressing no small amount of shock. Instead of answering his question Itachi asked, "Ten full sized bowls of ramen? That's… not… right." He blinked and shook himself. "Well as for how I am? Fairly good I would say. I would be even better if Sasuke would stop flirting and make Jonin. Then we could go on halfway challenging missions as a team."

Beside Itachi, the usually sullen Uchiha was smiling in a self deprecating way. "Ah… what can I say? I have a weak spot for the ladies."

Itachi scoffed. "An obsession you mean. Not a day goes by when you don't propose to some poor girl on the street. I swear one of these days one of them will accept and you'll end up engaged to a maid."

Sasuke's eyebrows jumped up and down humorously. "As long as she's a cute one I don't mind. Besides! You're one to talk about obsession Mr. Pocky."

"Don't insult my favorite snack Nii-_chan."_

Naruto coughed wildly, attempting to cover up the uncontrollable laughter bubbling up from within. So this was the Sasuke here? This was the _avenging_ Uchiha? This was the guy who shoved to Chidori through his chest? This was the one who he spent years training to get stronger to help? This was his brother in all but blood?

A wannbe playboy?!

Naruko pointed an accusing finger at Sasuke. "You told me last week that I was the only one for you ya know! And you told Hinata almost the same thing the week before. Plus you're always fawning over Sakura! You're just a player!"

Sasuke looked appalled. "I'll have you know I prefer the term 'equal opportunity lover'. Besides I was only teasing you because of what you were saying at the time." He gave Naruko a broad wink. "I think you remember…"

A bright blush spread over her cheeks. "S..shut up jack ass. You had no business hearing that!"

"Oh? I seem to remember something about how much you wanted to jus…"

"Shut it!"

Naruto looked between his sister and the alternate Sasuke with a small smile. His sister was becoming rapidly redder in the face and her fists were clenched. Sasuke on the other hand as grinning like a cat that ate the canary and seemed to be about to say something. Naruto turned to her. "So… anything you want to tell me?"

Naruko blushed looked away, looked down, glanced up and at last straightforward. Really, anywhere besides where he was. "None of your business Nii-chan…"

"Oh really?" Sasuke's grin became even wider. "Somehow I doubt that Naruko-chan. Why don't you tell Naruto about it? Or I could…"

"No!" She shouted and suddenly there were two bursts of smoke. Sasuke tried to protest as two blond clones dragged him away from the counter, hissing threats to him. Naruto turned to watch his sister's clones drag Sasuke away and could only shake his head.

"So um… what _was_ he talking about?"

Itachi shrugged in a non-committal way. He sighed and waited for the ramen to arrive. Since obviously it wouldn't be a good idea to restart the earlier conversation around Itachi. Naruto had the feeling that it would be best to keep this a relative secret for the time being. After Minato… his father… could look over the situation as a whole, then he would be open about whatever this was.

"So Naruto… I was wondering if you wanted to take a mission with me sometime?" He glanced to the side. Itachi was sitting there, his dark yet oddly friendly gaze locking on his.

"Well not at the moment. There are a few things I need to clear up with dad. After that? Sure. I wouldn't mind at all."

Itachi smiled. "Good to hear. You've been absent from daily life for too long Naruto."

"Eh? Well not anymore." He scratched the back of his head wondering what else to say. Then something occurred to him. Something he could ask. It was pretty important as far as he was concerned. And seeing how the ANBU tattoo was clearly visible on Itachi's shoulder, it wouldn't be strange to ask. "So how's the ANBU treating you lately?"

The Uchiha raised one eyebrow. "Not bad, but not good either. No offence but your dad sure knows how to work us to the bone sometimes. And Iwa's making problems more and more often. Out of my last twenty missions, eleven have been to Iwa."

"Damn… that's not a nice ratio."

Itachi shook his head, his expression becoming more somber. "Iwa still hates the village, but with your father remaining unopposed they won't make a move, especially with your mastery of Hiraishin. But if something happens and they can render the Hiraishin obsolete… or Hokage-sama and you are somehow put out of commission? Konoha would be in extreme danger. Especially with Ame being so aggressive lately."

Naruto frowned. That wasn't what he'd been expecting to hear. What he'd hoped to see was some shift in Itachi's expression. Some clue to the unrest in the Uchiha clan. But Itachi seemed to have no thought for it. And Sasuke certainly seemed care free. Maybe that meant that the Uchiha of this reality never became disenfranchised with the village and the massacre hadn't even come close to happening.

It seemed likely enough…

But if that were true then it led to a whole host of other questions. As far as he knew from the Sasuke of his world, Kuro-Zetsu changed the script on the Uchiha stone tablet. And then the various leaders and elders of the Uchiha clan eventually came to believe in the twisted words Kuro-Zetsu had put down. Over many years this led to the well known arrogance of the Uchiha and the revolt against the village.

Although that didn't happen and the whole clan was wiped out. But if there was no revolt in the first place, could he assume the tablet had never been changed. If that was true, then what had Kuro-Zetsu been doing? If the Uchiha were "clean" so to speak what was that slimy piece of filth up to?

"Something wrong Onii-chan?"

Naruto shook his head and glanced to his sister as she returned to her seat. "No, just thinking. Never mind me."

"Well while you're thinking, the ramen is getting cold…."

"Oh shit… my bad!" He silently thanked her and Ayame for the ramen and began to eat. As the two dug in Sasuke crawled back to the bar, looking like a metric ton of pissed off hormonal teenage girl had fallen on him. His face was bloody and his body bruised.

Itachi grimaced. "What exactly were you about to say?"

"It's..n…nothing… Nii…san…"

**OOO**

**OOO**

Twenty minutes later Naruto and Naruko had paid for their food and said goodbye to the Uchihas. Although not before Naruto was introduced to Mina Uchiha, Itachi and Sasuke's little sister. Naruto was immediately reminded of Hitomi. And he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Regardless both of them were now walking down the streets of Konoha, making small talk… and when he said small talk, he really meant going over the fine details of the prank they planned on pulling.

It was in that moment that Naruto felt something that he hadn't experienced in a long time. It was that sensation of ultimate peril, unequaled evil, and terrible foreboding. And when presented with such a feeling there was only one thing he could do. He substituted with the closest thing to him, which in this case was Naruko. His fellow blond let out a yelp of surprise as she felt herself switched with him.

A split second afterwards she felt two sets of hands fall on her.

"Naruto-kun!"

Naruko winced at the sudden iron grip. "What the hell?!" She whirled just in time to see the two most avid fangirls in existence. They were none other than Sakura and Hinata. The former was blinking sheepishly at her as she quickly let go. The later gripped harder as she scowled.

"What did you do with Naruto-kun?!" she demanded, her tone brooking no argument.

"She didn't do anything to me. I substituted out of the way. Self preservation ya know. You shouldn't just jump people like that." Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Especially not me. I might have accidentally hurt you."

"Naruto-kun!"

Sakura went flying. Naruto, confused out and a little freaked out by her behavior, dodged skillfully out of the way. "Not so fast Sakura-chan… What exactly do you think I am? A plush toy?" He stopped a good ten feet from her, but was unlucky enough to be in range of Hinata. The Hyuuga heiress pounced with all the grace of a hunting tigress, taking him to the ground under her...

Naruto unfortunately was too much of a gentleman to let her eat dirt… so he let her fall on top of him. This in turn gave him a very good impression of what the (at least as far as he remembered) gentle heiress was hiding under all those clothes. It made him blush red even as he threw his hands out to his sides to keep himself falling flat. Hinata… _This _Hinata… was very different from the one he knew. Even as she adjusted herself on his lap he found his eyes drawn up and down her outfit.

Hinata Hyuuga was wearing a sports bra and short shorts. Over that she wore a two piece wire net that left her stomach completely bare. Last of all she had her usual jacket over that… but open. Naruto had never seen this much skin on Hinata exposed… save for once that during that mission a long while before. And he tried not to think of that right now. This version of the shy Hyuuga was most certainly lacking in afore mentioned personality trait. Her light lavender eyes weren't shy and they were far from embarrassed. However… they were none the less stunning.

If it wasn't for the fact that he was in a separate reality he would have been to speechless too do much of anything in that moment besides stare.

"Naruto-kun… where have you been all week? I haven't seen you for days and I know you weren't on a mission because I asked your father!"

Naruto blinked and, lacking a quality excuse, had to bullshit his way out. "Yeah… had _stuff_ to do. I was just catching up with sis before I go back to the house." He swallowed once and shifted uncomfortably… or maybe uncomfortable wasn't the right word for it. With her straddling him right then, he was just a little bit _too _comfortable. If she didn't get off and he didn't settle his heart rate down, there would be problems.

Hinata's next words were interrupted by Sakura who latched onto his arm like she was a flesh eating parasite. And… despite how much he had cared for her in the past, he couldn't help but use this exact description for her within the confines of his mind. "Uh… Skaura-chan? Hinata-hime… would you mind? There's a rock digging into my rear right now and neither of you are helping."

Both of them paused for a second before leaping off him. Naruto stood even as Hinata and Sakura offered him their hands. He quickly brushed himself off and straightened his clothes. When he looked up again Hinata and Sakura were standing next to each other looking expectant. Although every second or so their eyes would dart to the other and a glare would slip across their features.

Naruto sighed and scratched the back of his head. "Anyway, what did you two want?" Well that was kind of a stupid question, but he really didn't know so he had no choice but to ask… or guess. And he wasn't too keen on guessing. After fighting in the Fourth Great War alongside Mei the Mizukage he learned that guessing a woman's intentions was like playing spin the kunai with a bunch of rogue ninja.

In other words it was a good way to get hurt. Although in the case of the Mizukage it was more likely to get your balls melted off by corrosive mist.

The two girls glanced to each other for a brief moment as if testing to see who would go first. Sakura reluctantly gave the go ahead to Hinata. Said Hyuuga smiled victoriously and stepped forward. "Well… Naruto-kun, I was wondering if you wanted to come train with me sometime…" She smirked and threw him a wink. "I'd like to get to know your.._ strengths_.. better."

Sakura huffed and crossed her arms at that before saying, "Um.. would you like to come shopping with me sometime Naruto-kun?"

Naruto glanced surreptitiously to his sister, who was now watching the scene with an unreadable expression. He sighed and glanced at Sakura. "Well shopping isn't really my thing. And there isn't anything I need to buy at the moment."

Well there was. His wardrobe was lacking orange and he needed to fix the problem quickly, but Sakura didn't need to know that. "As for training together. I'm sure that's fine. I just can't do it today. Tomorrow isn't the best either. How about the day after next at training field seven?"

Hinata smiled. "Sure thing Naruto-kun, don't be late!" She nudged Sakura with her elbow. "Better luck next time." Then she turned on her heel and walked off giggling to herself. Sakura seemed dejected for a moment but eventually sighed. She turned in the direction of home and started off again.

Naruto watched them go with an odd feeling in his stomach. As if he's dodged one shuriken only in time to get hit in the head with a second one. _"I'm sure it's just my imagination playing tricks on me… but I would swear that Hinata was trying to come on to me. I mean… Fuck, who am I kidding. She was straddling me for Kami's sake. Jeeze this world is different and I still can't figure out if that's for the best or not…" _He shook his head and looked to Naruko.

She stared right back. "So.. how does that compare to your version of things?"

"Sakura acts just like that… except towards Sasuke… and you'd have to completely reverse Ino's and Hinata's personalities."

"Damn, that must be weird. Hinata? Shy?"

"Did I mention in my world Hinata stalked me for years?"

Naruko shook her head. "Some things never change do they…? She did that here too. Except about three years back something happened and her whole personality changed. Maybe it has something to do with your alter ego going off to train with Jiraiya."

"He did that here too?"

"Yeah." She shrugged. "Except he was only gone for like three months. Jiraiya said he had no aptitude for Nature chakra, unlike Tou-san, and that he should stick to mastering the Kyuubi's chakra."

Naruto grinned. "That's funny. It took me less than a month to completely master Sage mode. The old geezer told me I was better than both of them." Naruto chuckled. "But I can't do Hiraishin… so maybe it balances out."

A comfortable silence fell over them until Naruto suddenly realized something. "Naruko… What's Kakashi like?"

"Hm? Kakashi Hatake right? I guess he's alright. But I kinda feel sorry for him. Kurenai started taking a liking to him recently. And jeeze, that lady is scary."

"Scary how? Where I come from she's really serious and a bit of a prude, but otherwise she's nice. She was Hinata's sensei in my version of things."

Naruko nodded. "Well yeah, that didn't change at all. She's still Hinata's sensei. It's not hard to see where Hinata modeled her fashion off of."

"Uh… I didn't catch that… Did you say _that _Hinata based her outfit on Kurenai-sensei?"

"Yeah totally! Come on I'll show you!"

**OOO**

**OOO**

**And that's the end of that chapter. Stay tuned for the next one whenever I manage to get it finished. For now 24TheFun out.**

**Oh.. and remember to review and check the poll for the pairings.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Greetings dear fanfiction writers and readers. I'm back with the third chapter I have prepared. After this updates might slow down a bit, but I felt bad keeping it un-posted when it was ready. So I'll just do the reader reviews and you can get right into chapter 3**

**XenoLucifer (And others) - People seem to be irritated about my mentioning Naruto's chakra control only being Chunin level. Some have mentioned that with Six-paths or Asura's chakra he has perfect chakra control. But I haven't heard anything that says his base chakra control is perfect. Keep in mind that Sage mode takes only a little bit of control. The toads explicitly state that the biggest challenge with sage mode is having enough chakra to mix in the first place.**

**Also... when Naruto uses Six-paths mode... Kurama is helping him every step of the way. I have looked up discussion boards and manga references to this topic. Everyone seems to mention his mastery of Rasengan variants and his sharing chakra with the Allied forces. Again... anyone could create new Rasengan variants if they used it as much as Naruto. Just like Sasuke created new variants of the Chidori because he used it constantly for years. And as stated in flashbacks to the time of Asura and Indra, Asura's chakra is specially made for interacting with others. **

**In the flashback, mere hours after Asura gained his father's chakra he was able to channel the chakra of multiple people and fight his brother evenly. Yet Asura was noted for his piss poor control even up to that point. Neither he nor Naruto had perfect control. It's the Six-paths chakra that is perfect.**

**ark1897 - I will admit that was my inspiration.**

**OmegaRealism - First and foremost, don't bring RL political views onto Fanfiction. You don't know who I am or what my views are. For all you know I'm a native Texan who hates living in California and eats Democrats with my cornflakes. One more review like that an I'll block you. I made my views on flames and harassment clear.**

**kagerou - I appreciate the constructive criticism. Please be aware, I know how strange their reactions seem. I mentioned that the plot is convoluted. Continue reading if you want to know why.**

**Guest - Sakura is concerned with her looks. She only grew her hair out because Naruto (disguised as Naruto) told her he liked long hair. Furthermore she only cut it in the first place because it nearly got her killed fighting Kin in the Chunin exams. She is very sensitive about her appearance as Naruto and Sai get the shit beat out of him for saying the wrong thing more than once.**

**DaDragon562 - Yes... Naruto will be flexing.**

**Disclaimer (I don't own any part of Naruto) Now that's over with...**

**OOO**

**OOO**

**Chapter 3 - Perilous Encounters**

There were few times Naruto had been truly lost for words in his life… but it seemed as though this day was looking to change that. If it wasn't one thing it was another and it _was_ fucking with his head. For instance… Ino. He knew she was really pretty for a long time, hell it was kinda hard not to notice. Unlike Hinata she tended to show off what she had.

But now their personalities had switched and he as having a hard time reconciling them with what he remembered. They seemed like the same people, it was just their behavior changed much! And since they treated him like a friend it was even harder to think of them as different! How was he supposed to separate the Hinata and Ino of this reality from his own? It was like everyone he knew was playing a part in a play he hadn't been told about!

It was so confusing. Having to think of them as different people. With Sakura and Hinata especially since he'd seen them only a day earlier! He could remember walking past Ino... His Ino. ...dressed in the usual style... yesterday and waving to her. It was surreal.

It wasn't so bad with his mom or Itachi. He didn't know them very well before. Naruko was even easier to keep track of mentally. She hadn't been there at all. But for Ino, Hinata, Sasuke… it was like talking to the real thing! That's what his mind automatically told him anyway, trying to work out why everyone was acting so strange.

But now?

Now he was staring down at two people that he'd seen no less than a week ago and the day before. They were Kurenai Yuhi and Kakashi Hatake respectively. Naruto would swear that Kami was trying to fry his brain with the constant headaches. Just looking at the scene in front of him made his head hurt.

Kurenai Yuhi, the woman who was known as the leader of Konoha's three Ice queens, was wearing short-shorts so short that he could see her butt cheeks. And on top of that she a tight sports bra that left her entire abdomen exposed. Forget fishnet. She didn't even have that!

But this wasn't the cause of his sudden migraine. Nope! Not at all! The part that was making him consider committing sepuku was the fact that Kurenai was straddling Kakashi as they sat at a table… kissing him. Did he mention that Kakashi wasn't wearing a mask? Yeah, _that _was mind blowing. He was having a hard time breathing.

Kakashi wasn't wearing his mask.

His mask that the entirety of Konoha had tried to be rid of for _years._

Was the world coming to an end? Was Madara about ride out of nowhere on an angry dragon? Was the sky falling? Would it start raining flaming cheese wheels?

"Onii-chan?"

Naruto turned to look at Naruko. His eyes were wide as he stared at her. "You know… in my world Kakashi wears a mask. He never takes it off except in private. I've never seen his face exposed. Not even once in my entire life. We even had groups of people work together to catch him with his mask down, but something always got in our way…"

She raised one eyebrow curiously. "Well, he wears a mask sometimes too, but a while back I think he realized that he was good looking and could get laid if he just kept it off. He stopped reading Icha-Icha so much, but Kurenai-sensei also decided she liked the look of him. Now I think he's regretting his decision. She scared away all the girls he liked."

"But his mask… It's gone" Naruto muttered hollowly. "This should be impossible. I don't even think dad saw Kakashi's face and he was his sensei."

"You sound like someone killed your best friend."

Naruto nodded mutely.

"Why is this so devastating for you Onii-chan?"

"All…" Naruto gulped. "...all the effort we put into unmasking him. The time we spent. The teamwork it took and it still failed every time. This victory feels somehow _empty_."

Naruko smirked and nudged him with an elbow. "Hey, there is a silver lining ya know."

He turned to her, blinking slowly. "There is?"

"Yep. You can get a picture of this and if you ever go back to your world you'll be hailed as a hero!"

Sudden realization struck. "You are completely right about that!" He chuckled. "But this is too tame for the mortification I have in mind. If your version of Kurenai is like this I'm sure I can get way better blackmail material than this. I could use this setup for a prank I've been waiting to pull." Naruto's lips twisted into a fiendish smile. "Revenge will be sweet…"

"Who are you getting revenge on sempai?"

Naruto and Naruko both froze as a voice came from behind them, their eyes widening in terror at the tone of voice. Then both of them slowly turned around.

Sitting behind them on the roof top was none other than Hinata's little sister, Hanabi. She sat there with her knees tucked up under her chin and her hands curled around them. Her pale eyes were focused on Naruto with a deadly intensity that made his skin crawl. He'd never experienced dread like this. It surpassed the Kyuubi by miles. Madara couldn't even compare! And Kaguya barely would have budged him. It settled in his very bones as the blood drained out of his face.

~Jjjiiiiiiii….~

Across the street Kurenai and Kakashi jumped as they felt a huge influx of chakra. Their heads whipped to the side just in time to see a yellow flash blaze down the street, quickly followed by the sprinting form of one Hanabi Hyuuga. She was waving a long pole with a man sized net at the end as she pursued who they could only assume was the Namikaze heir.

They looked back at each other.

Or… well Kurenai looked back at the place where Kakashi had been a scant second before. In his place was a very realistic scarecrow, shocking white hair and all. She realized she'd been duped again and growled in frustration. Kakashi had escaped! This was most intolerable! She stood regally and started again from square one.

The hunt was on.

**OOO**

**OOO**

"Okay, what the hell was that?!" Naruto shouted. "What was Hanabi doing there and why was she looking at us like that… and for that matter why was she chasing after us with a freaking net?!"

Naruko, who was still catching her breath after Naruto used Kurama's chakra to blast out of there as fast as was humanly possible, groaned. "I'm sorry Onii-chan. I forgot to mention… Hinata's little sister is insane. I don't really remember when it started but she's gotten it into her head that _we_ are her destined lovers."

"WHAT?!"

"A year or so back she started stalking both of us. At first it was kind of funny cause she couldn't hide very well and it was painfully obvious where she was. But now it's just an obsession. She spends all of her free time chasing either you or me and trying to convince us to…"

Naruto gave her a wide eyed look of pure and utter horror.

"…to have sex with her…"

"But she's like thirteen?!" Naruto shouted, stricken by the very idea.

Naruko nodded glumly. "I know. And it's only been getting worse as time goes on. These days her stealth scares even the ANBU. I heard from Yuago that she practices her stealth by pulling pranks on Ibiki Moreno." She shivered. "Last week he tried to get an order to move out of the village. _Ibiki Moreno_ is scared of her."

They both felt a wave of unease wash over them. Naruto wiped at his suddenly sweating brow. "Why is she like that though?!"

"I don't know." She admitted. " I've asked her why she's so fixated on us but whenever I ask she just uses it as an opportunity to…" Naruko made slight gagging sounds and he got the idea.

"Please no… not that…"

Naruko shook her head. "Last year I found a present on my bed for my birthday. She bought me a strap-on. I don't even know how she could buy that kind of thing! What kind of creep would sell that to a thirteen year old?! But it was there on my bed!" She rubbed her arms to get rid of the goose bumps. "I didn't even read the letter that went with it. I just burned it."

A tiny part of Naruto wanted to know if she kept the actual gift, but he decided not to ask. He'd rather not think about 'strap-on' and Hinata's little sister in the same sentence. "So... is she really going to do something like that all the time?"

She nodded.

"Fuck no! I am out of here. No way in hell am I staying around to get raped by a preteen, especially not the little sister of the bossy alter ego of the girl who has a crush on me."

"You say that, but I don't think you'd want to leave the village. I don't want to find out how far her obsession goes."

"You're telling me… but still I mean… That's creepiness on a whole other level!" Both blonds shivered in unison at the mere thought of Hanabi Hyuuga getting her way. Naruto then turned his attention to her. "Why doesn't her father stop that?!"

Naruko shook her head. "He approves of it."

"WHAT?!" Naruto's eyes bugged out of his skull. "No way!"

"The way he's sees it at least one of his daughters will end up with you and he's wanted an arranged marriage with the Namikaze clan for years. Sometimes I think he gives her tips on how to catch us." Naruko held herself tight. "It's bizarre."

He rubbed his temples, attempting to stave off the mild headache which was rising behind his eyes. "Okay… so… is there anything in this place that isn't completely backwards?! Like seriously! I'm half expecting kunai to fly backwards." Naruto pulled a hand through his hair. "And what do our parents think about this?"

"Well…"

"Please just tell me Naruko."

Naruko sighed and nodded. "Mom thinks it's funny."

Naruto groaned and muttered in voice dripping with sarcasm, "How wonderful."

"I never really understood Kaa-chan's logic though. I mean she'll butcher any normal girl who tries to make moved on you, yet she _supposedly_ wants you to have a harem. I don't get it, but then again you saw what she did to Ino." Naruko chuckled at his suddenly red face. "Aw, did you enjoy her kiss Nii-san?"

He flushed, glancing away from her. As a matter of fact he had enjoyed the kiss. A lot actually. But he refused to say it. "S..shut up."

"Mah mah… you're not being honest." She leaned in closed. "Just tell me, what did it feel like?"

Naruto growled and shoved her away. "Go jump off a cliff. I ain't tellin."

Looking somewhat hurt Naruko retreated. "Fine. Have it your way. I'll just have to ask her. I'm sure I can guilt Ino-chan into telling me everything I want to know."

"Hey!"

"Hey yourself. As your sister I consider it my right to intrude in my brother's business. Even if that brother is from another dimension." She paused as if considering something for the first time. "I wonder how our 'you' is doing in your world."

He looked a bit ill at that. "I'm starting to regret this more and more the longer I stay here."

Naruko smirked. "Well that's just a shame isn't it? But since you don't know how you got here or how to get back I guess you're stuck." She rubbed her hands together with a wicked smile. "You'll just have to put up with little old me until then."

"That's what I was afraid you'd say," he grumbled. "I'm starting to understand why Shikamaru always said girls are too troublesome to bother with."

"EH?!"

"Well it's true. You, Mom, Ino, Hinata, Sakura, and now even Hanabi. You're all troublesome. First you show up. Mom said you skipped out on a mission, which is never a good idea. Trust me. My first C-rank mission turned into an A-rank and we had to fight one of Kiri's seven legendary swordsmen." Naruto started to tick things off on his hand while he continued. "Then after dealing with you I had to talk to Ino and explain things to her. And Kurama totally scared the shit out of her. And when I finish explaining everything she up and kisses me." He sighed. "Then Mom shows up and makes Ino-chan faint. After that she tries to go ballistic on me…"

Naruto gives Naruko a serious look when it looks like she was about to interrupt. Then he continued. "Hinata and Sakura show up when we go out too look at the village. Turns out they're both after me and if that wasn't awkward I don' know what is, especially with how Hinata and Sakura-chan were acting. Now… top that off with Hanabi being a crazy obsessed stalker!" Naruto finished his rant and pointed a finger accusingly at her. "Now tell me exactly what part of girls aren't troublesome!?"

For a long moment Naruko didn't say anything, seeming to consider her answer carefully. Her face twisted into a mask of concentration before at last she sighed. "Fine I give up. I get the feeling you won't accept anything I come up with."

"I'm sure you could have figured out something."

She huffed. "Well you men are just as troublesome as girls."

Naruto chuckled. "Never tried to say we weren't. Anyway… what do we do now?"

His sister gave him a calculative look. "Wanna train?"

"You sure?"

She rolled her eyes and gestured around them. "We are at a _training field_. Minds as well see how good you are Onii-chan." Naruko puffed her chest out. "Unless of course you're scared to fight me."

Naruto raised one eyebrow, a small smile twitching at his lips. "You think you can handle me Imouto-_chan_?"

A challenging glint entered her gaze. "Oh I am so going to kick your ass for that."

"We'll see about that ne?" Naruto ducked easily as Naruko suddenly charged, swinging for his face. "Eh?! You call that speed!?" He darted backwards to put some space between them. "Maito Guy is faster than that and he can't use his legs!"

Naruko hissed and put her hands together in a familiar handseal. "Taiju Kage Bunshin no jutsu!"

Instantly Naruto found himself surrounded on all sides by at least a hundred and fifty clones. A wry expression made its way onto his face. This was going to be fun.

His little sister raised her fist and shouted, "GIRLS! Beat the shit out of him! CHARGE!"

Naruto had a fraction of a second to assess the situation, but that was more than enough for him. He'd fought Madara in hand to hand combat, gone up against the likes of Obito with his ridiculous intangibility, and helped defeat Kaguya herself. Kage Bunshin were so ridiculously easy to kill. It was his own jutsu! He'd show her how strong he was...

He closed his eyes and extended his senses through the natural energy all around him. And then he was in motion.

Standing twenty feet away Naruko suddenly lost sight of him and she stumbled, a mass of memory rushing into her mind as at least half of her clones were destroyed. She looked up. Naruto was there, his form seemed to flicker in and out of existence. Every second a dozen more were dispelled. And then… without warning he was directly in front of her, his hand extending like a knife.

Her eyes went wide in shock. That speed! It was fucking ridiculous!

She swerved to the side, barely avoiding his attack… and was lifted off her feet by a fist in her gut, courtesy of his own clone. All her breath left her and she was thrown backwards. But Naruto wasn't quite done. Before she could comprehend just how hard he hit or when he'd had the chance to make that clone Naruto had kicked her high in the air.

Spittle flew from her mouth as another foot was planted in the small of her back, sending her even higher. Her ears registered the popping sound of several clones being made. What happened next would forever change for her the meaning of being overwhelmed.

"Uzu!"

"Ma!"

"Ki!"

"Redan!"

Three devastating blows threw her nearly twenty feet in the air and then the original Naruto came down from above, his ax kick sending her down to the ground with the sound of a canon shot. The ground cracked, earth exploding out under her tremendous impact. Naruko was paralyzed with pain. She felt that she _must_ have broken something under all that. And all her traumatized brain could do was catalogue the three second fight.

Naruto's speed was frankly insane. She'd never fought her father going full speed, but she now had a sneaking suspicion about what it must be like.

And his power! Choji didn't hit that hard. Hell Kiba didn't. Her sensei didn't. Her mother didn't. She hadn't been hit that hard before in a fight. Combine them both… his speed and strength combined? She didn't stand an ice cube's chance in hell defeating him. He was completely different from the relaxed slightly cold brother she'd grown up with. He hadn't toyed with her in the slightest.

He simply and effortlessly destroyed her. The dust cloud above her finally cleared and her eyes caught on Naruto's concerned face.

"Hey! You alright?! I held back but you still took a bad hit just now!"

Naruko blinked even as she registered all the many and varied places where she hurt. Meanwhile her mind was running over his words over and over again. He'd been holding back… He'd been holding back?! How was that possible!? He tossed her around like a rag doll! How could it be he was holding back anything!"

She groaned, trying to move and finding it unwise. "Ow…."

"Oi… do you need me to take you to the hospital?" he asked as he dropped down next to her, eyeing her rapidly bruising skin.

"N..no…" she gasped out. "Just… take me back to Kaa-chan."

He nodded and picked her up. Despite her pain Naruko's eyes went wide and she had to fight a blush. Naruto's arms wrapped around her back and hooked under her legs. She swallowed hard. Naruto glanced down at her, noticing her cheeks had turned a deep pink.

"Er...something wrong?"

She shook her head quickly, her complexion darkening more and more. She couldn't help it. He was holding her like this, his deep blue eyes gazing down at her with a mixture of concern and confusion. Kami… why couldn't he be the cold closed off guy he'd been yesterday?

"Well… if it's nothing lets go."

With that Naruto disappeared in a blur of speed.

Barely a second later they blurred into existence outside their family home. And only a second after that a gust of wind blasted back in their wake, making her hair fly out in front of them. Naruko blinked again as she realized that Naruto _hadn't_ used Shun-shin. _"Th..That was pure speed?!"_ Had he told her he was this fast before she wouldn't have believed it. That move had been almost instantaneous!

He'd gone from outside the village to being at their house in the same time it would take to blink. That was incredible. That was fucking fantastic. No wonder he was able to destroy her so easily! She didn't even know if the version of Naruto from this dimension had been so fast. Sure he had Hiraishin, but with that kind of speed who needed it!?

Naruto glanced down once again. "Something up? You're mouth is open."

She closed her mouth, not having realized that she'd been gaping silently up at him. "Oh.. sorry. I didn't mean to."

He rolled his eyes. "Why is everyone so surprised when I go fast? That isn't even full speed. Hell, Sasuke would destroy me if I went that slow in our spars." Naruto noted the look of abject shock she gave him and shrugged. "Anyway, let's get you inside then."

Naruto started walking inside the house, making a sealless clone to open the door for them. Once inside he meandered down the hallway, keeping an eye out for a flash of red. Eventually he found one, however it wasn't Kushina.

It was the foul tempered little sister who'd put a half-ass Rasengan into his back. The thought made him scowl for a moment, but then again she was just a kid. Did he really think she understood how much damage that jutsu could do? Hell when he first made the Rasenshuriken he didn't know it was destroying the chakra points in his arm. Plus she was what? Eight? Of course she wouldn't understand.

Naruto moved over to the living room couch and laid Naruko on the couch. Then he reached out with his mind, searching the natural energy around them for his mother's chakra signature. It was easy to find. She had extremely potent chakra like all Uzumaki. It wasn't as if he was expecting to have a hard time though. He turned and headed into the kitchen, taking note of the chop of a knife on wood.

"Hi honey… how was school today?" Kushina didn't turn around until Naruto leaned against the kitchen counter on her right. "Oh… Back so soon?"

He couldn't help but notice she was a _little_ too calm about the situation still. It hadn't occurred to him so much before. _"How much of a loner was the other me? I come out of nowhere and she's so accepting...I mean she was furious earlier, but still."_ He shook his head and pushed it to the back of his mind. He'd think about it later.

"I didn't notice you come in. Where's Naruko?"

He rubbed the back of his neck uneasily, wondering if she would attack him for _maybe_ breaking a few of Naruko's bones. "Well the thing is she challenged me to a spar…"

Kushina looked at him sharply, pausing in her dinner prep. "And?"

"I may or may not have overestimated how strong she was and I could have maybe... not saying I did or anything... hurt her." She blinked at him and he felt compelled to explain. I thought high Jonin level would be alright, but I only hit her a half dozen times and she couldn't get up."

"She's seriously injured…"

"No, just not feeling in good shape." He didn't actually know though. A medic he most certainly was not. And he sometimes had a hard time knowing when he hit too hard. When your hit as hard as he did, just about everything felt like wet paper. Still, he tried to reassure her. "If she were that bad off I'd have taken her to the hospital."

Kushina dropped her knife on the chopping board and grabbed a wash cloth, cleaning her hands of carrot shavings. "Where is she?"

Naruto jerked a thumb back towards the living room. "Couch."

She nodded and turned away from the counter. He followed her into the other room where Naruko was trying to get comfortable on the couch despite the pain in her back. She relaxed the moment she noticed her mother. "Ah, hi Kaa-chan."

"Alright. Tell me what happened?" Kushina muttered as she drew up a stood next to her, Naruto sitting on the opposite arm of the couch from Naruko's head.

Naruko took a moment to think about it and then started to explain. "Um… well I kinda baited Nii-chan into a fight and…" She hesitated then spoke rather bluntly. "He was just too fast and strong. My clones were wiped out before I realized what was happening. Next thing I knew I was lying in a crater, barely able to move."

"Doesn't sound like you limited yourself to Jonin level." Kushina gave him a severe look.

"Okay… so maybe I did Kage level. I'm not good at holding back alright?! I'm used to fighting people at well above Kage level! My usual sparring partner could fight four Kage by himself and win!"

She frowned. "I don't know why but when you tell me something like that it doesn't make me feel any better. You need to learn how to go easy on your sparring partners. Naruko isn't even at true Jonin level honestly. She could beat most Jonin, but that's only because of unusual tactics and huge chakra reserves."

"Kaa-chan…"

"Yes Naruko-chan?"

"How fast is Tou-san"

Kushina shrugged. "Last time I checked he's the fastest man alive… although your brother was getting close to his speed. He might have been as fast as Minato in a few years. But he never focused on his speed. He preferred diversity."

Naruko looked at Naruto. "I think he's faster than Tou-san then."

That drew a wide eyed look from her and Kushina turned to Naruto. "Is that possible?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. I've never seen my dad's true speed in my world. I've only really seen Hiraishin being used. And that's teleportation. The only person to really confirm how fast I am was the Raikage. He told me I was the only one besides my dad to beat him using his accelerant technique. So I have to assume that I was just as fast as Tou-san at that point. But I'm way faster than I was then. I think maybe half again as fast? Sparring with Sasuke-teme is pretty intense and I really don't have anyone else to measure myself against."

"But if you're faster than Minato then… you'd be the fastest man in history. Minato is already one of if not the fastest man alive. For you to be faster than Minato would make indisputably you the fastest in the world!"

A grin made its way to his face and his canines glinted in the light. "What can I say? I'm awesome."

Kushina reigned in her shock and glowered. "Hold on the young man. You may be strong, but don't get ahead of yourself. You still hurt your sister."

"I know…" He looked to Naruko. "Sorry about that. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you Naruko-chan?"

She blushed and looked away. "No… don't worry about it. I shouldn't have baited you into a fight. Kaa-chan and Tou-san are always telling me to be more careful."

"He can make it up to you by helping you train," Kushina huffed. Her eyes flicked to her son and back to her daughter. "That is the best thing he can do for now. Minato won't be able to come back for a few days still. I sent him a message and he flashed home for a moment. Turns out the negotiations aren't going well. Suna is struggling to keep afloat and Iwa has elevated their aggression towards their neighboring nations. He can't return for at least two more days."

Naruto frowned. "I thought he destroyed Iwa's Shinobi forces?"

"He did. That was almost two decades ago. Iwa has trained a whole new generation of ninja whose sole focus is countering enemies with a speed and Fuinjutsu advantage. They aren't bold enough to attack Konoha directly yet, but it's only a matter of time."

"I don't see how that helps against the Hiraishin though. I mean… there are some people who can beat the Hiraishin. I know that personally. But unless there are some serious monsters in Iwa I don't see them taking on Tou-san."

She sighed. "That's what I'm saying. They don't attack Konoha. They launch attacks at our neighbors and then pull back before they can get word to us." Kushina grimaced. "It's annoying for Minato because he can't attack them directly without causing another war. And… defeating Iwa last time took a toll on him. He doesn't want the blood of thousands on his hands Naruto. He doesn't want to risk starting another war that he knows he'll have to finish personally."

Naruto didn't like the sound of that. "So… Onoki is still in charge?"

"Yes… And he's gone off the deep end. His son was almost killed by a Konoha patrol that caught him near the village. He's crippled to the point where he might never be a ninja again. Onoki hates Konoha with every fiber of his being."

"Damn… the Onoki I knew didn't like Tou-san but he was neutral towards Konoha. What about Kurotsuchi?"

"Hm? Who's that?"

He raised his eyebrow. "You don't know her? She's Onoki's granddaughter. I fought alongside her in the Fourth great war. She has the lava release bloodline. Short black hair, pink eyes… hard to forget her."

"I know that description. Didn't know she was Onoki's granddaughter. We call her the Ash Dragon after her signature jutsu. Anyway… what about her?"

"She's a prodigy… smart and brutal in battle. Also in my world she's the next in line to become Tsuchikage. Her old man was even teaching her wind style so she can use his Particle style. But she never had any prejudice against Konoha. It might be worth keeping an eye on her since she's probably going to be the next Tsuchikage in this world too."

Kushina turned to him, seeming curious. "You knew her well?"

"No. Not that well during the war. But afterwards she's been spending a lot of time in Konoha. All the Kage and their chosen successors have been getting to know each other. It was my idea. I thought if the Kage and their successors were on good terms it would prevent war from breaking out again… seeing how all five major villages are currently allied in my world."

"And what is she like in your reality?"

"Well…" Naruto thought about it for a moment, wanting to give an accurate description. "She's a definite tomboy. Rough and aggressive, but once you get to know her she can be thoughtful. But she prefers action to talking. She's cunning. That's for sure. And pretty impatient, especially when she thinks she has the advantage in a battle. Out of battle she's just like one of the guys. After the meetings with the Kage she usually goes out drinking with everyone. Her and Kiba are friends. Everyone thinks their hot for each other, even though he's got a serious crush on the Mizukage."

Naruko made a disgusted face. "I hope there's a new Mizukage in your world cause if our Kiba was like that than then he'd have to be gay. The Mizukage is a guy."

He smirked. "Ever heard of someone named Mei Terumi?"

Kushina and Naruko shared a look, then turned back to him. Kushina's expression was priceless. "Mei Terumi? As in _the_ Mei Terumi?"

"Er… yeah. Is something wrong with her?"

"No!" Naruko all but shouted. "She's the Daimyo!"

That did not make _any_ sense. "You're joking…?"

"No she isn't." Kushina leaned back and sat on the coffee table by the couch. "A few years ago our Daimyo was assassinated by Iwa. No one could prove it so it was pushed aside at the time. His son, a young man named Hirukatsu, took over. Supposedly he met Mei Terumi on a trip to Kirigakure and it was love at first sight. Mei moved with him to the capital."

"So why is she the Daimyo then?"

"Because Hirukatsu died two months ago. Turns out he had a rare lung disease. He went from perfect health to being at deaths door in a week. They were going to force Mei to leave the capital, but she put her foot down and took control. It was perfectly valid for her to do so however since the Daimyo had no other family left."

He cracked a grin. "So Mei got married eh? That's kinda funny. The Mei I knew was obsessed with finding a quote, 'handsome young man to whisk her off her feet'. She even went after me for a while. But Gaara caught her attention. Last I saw she was trying to make up some excuse to visit Suna."

Kushina rolled her eyes. "Regardless. She is the current Daimyo."

"And who's the Mizukage then?"

"Yagura. Has been for decades."

"And he isn't crazy… right?"

Kushina gave him an odd look. "Of course not. He's a perfectly sane man, although for his age he still looks like a boy. In fact Minato has been trying to work out an alliance between us for months."

"Oh, good. The Yagura from my time went insane and started massacring bloodline users. He killed off about ninety percent of them in Kiri."

"That horrible!"

"I know. The first person I ever befriended outside the village was actually the last surviving member of the Yuki clan. But… anyway. I didn't want to get into my whole life story right now. You were saying I could help train Naruko-chan?"

Kushina nodded. "Her sensei isn't exactly the most reliable girl. Good hearted sure, but not reliable. Ever since the last war ended she's been a little off."

"Who's her sensei?"

"Rin Nohara. She's a medical specialist, trained under Tsunade herself."

Naruto forced himself not to ask, _"You mean Baa-chan is still here?!" _Instead he merely smiled and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Tsunade huh? Fancy that."

"Yes. As I was saying Rin-san is quite a capable doctor, but she's a bit lacking in other areas. Naruko is a front line fighter and a Ninjutsu specialist. There is something of a language gap if you get my meaning."

"Yep." He remembered Kakashi and Sakura had the same problem, which was probably why Kakashi never helped her much. Sakura was never a Ninjutsu fanatic like he, Sasuke, and their sensei were. "So… you need help with Ninjutsu? I'd say Taijutsu and tactics would be more important. Along with getting her speed up to par. Her reaction time was alright, but nothing like it should be at her level."

Naruko whined piteously. "Aw….! I hate speed training!"

His grin was a little predatory. "You'll hate my speed training even more. Even Lee and Guy were appalled when they watched me do my training regimen after the war ended." He turned to Kushina. "You're going to heal her right?"

"I will, but she'll still need rest." Kushina rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Actually there is something you could do for me while you wait."

"Sure. What is it?"

**OOO**

**OOO**

Naruto groaned as he sealed way yet another bag of groceries. He wasn't groaning because his 'new' mother asked him to go shopping for her. No, he was groaning because he was being followed. And no… not Hanabi. Thank Kami-sama for that.

He'd become aware of his shadow about ten minutes before when he was looking for the best deal on fresh leeks. It was a sixth sense… knowing when he was being watched. But when he closed his eyes and reached out to sense who it was he didn't recognize their chakra signature. This left him feeling more than a little awkward.

More so as time when on and the feeling of being spied upon never left.

By now he was seriously wondering if he should capture his stalker for questioning. Seeing how it seemed everyone was out to get him… one way or another. _"It isn't someone whose chakra I've sensed before… so I can rule the vast majority of people out. Jeeze… first Hinata and Sakura, then Hanabi, and now this guy."_

Naruto sighed as he walked out of the grocery store, turning to make his way towards his new home. He didn't know what this stalker wanted but he'd find out sooner or later. No point worrying about it. He could burn that bridge when he came to it.

"You there! Halt I say! Namikaze!"

He almost continued walking, not used to people using his father's clan name. But alas… he was already aware that the voice, definitely not a guy, was directed towards him. Naruto halted in his tracks. He absently noted how everyone walking around him stopped and stared as well. He drew in a deep breath and turned around, casting his eyes out in search of his (fourth) stalker of the day. And there she was…

"_Ah… Was not expecting her. At least I know why I didn't recognize her chakra signature."_

Standing there in the middle of the street was a young woman. A young woman who he knew. And what was more? It was a young woman who he'd never expected to see again. Fierce lavender eyes, platinum blond hair, and fair skin that was mostly hidden under the traditional dress of a shine maiden. It was without a doubt the priestess of Demon country…

"Er… Shion?" He managed to contain his shock, though he didn't know how he should react. How would she be different from the girl he remembered? "What are you doing here?"

One eye twitched madly. "What… what am I doing here? Is that all you have to say after disappearing for an entire year!?"

"_Shit… what did the other version of me do?! She looks pissed!"_

Shion's delicate hands clenched into fists and she started to stalk towards him, her eyes all but burning holes though him. "You came to me… saved my country… saved my life… made me care for you…"

"_Oh fuck…"_

"AND THEN YOU LEAVE!" She roared directly into his face, standing on tippy toe so she was on an even level with him. "And THAT is what you have to say for yourself?! YOU INSENSITIVE NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE!"

Naruto recoiled from Shion, his mind racing to find some way to salvage the situation. This was NOT how he'd imagined any possible reunion going. Was the Shion from his world the same? was his other self a... a... player? And how the hell was he supposed to deal with this now?!

"Shion-chan… Listen I…"

Shion's hand flew across his face with a harsh smack, earning gasps from those watching the confrontation. "Shut up." Naruto swallowed hard as Shion stepped forward, her nose almost touching his chin they were so close. "You aren't allowed to make excuses anymore."

"S..sorry."

"You better be."

Naruto flinched expecting another slap as her hand curled around his collar. And then…

"You better take responsibility."

"_Wha..?!"_

Then she was yanking him forward. Naruto's eyes flew open wide even as Shion dragged his head down to her level. And no sooner did their lips meet than Shion arms were around his neck. Naruto's hands went slack, the groceries falling to the street with audible thumps.

A few seconds later Shion pulled away, a pout prominent upon her lips. "You're supposed to kiss back."

Naruto chuckled nervously. "I.. uh... right! Sorry about that."

"..Idiot…" The anger drained out of Shion's eyes and her shoulders slumped. "You promised you'd come back and give me an heir."

Naruto looked down at her not knowing what he should do. An heir? That reminded him of what he'd promised to 'his' Shion way back when. _"Jeeze, how long has it been. More than a year since that whole thing with Moryo." _He sighed. _"I guess I don't have much of a choice. I'm not exactly good at lying under pressure. Pranks sure… but pretending that I'm the same Naruto she knew is out of the question." _

"Well?" She leaned forward. "What do you have to say for yourself now?"

"Give me a sec…" He quickly made a sealless clone and tasked it to take the groceries back to his mother. Then, ignoring Shion's girlish shriek, swept her off her feet. "Let's go some place private. We're not talking about it here." Shion had about half a second to protest before Naruto blurred out of existence, reappearing outside the village at training field 7.

Naruto then set her back on level ground and took a step away. Her expression had turned cold again. "Is this private enough for you Naruto?"

He nodded.

Shion bristled again, her gaze regaining their fire. "And why exactly did you want to talk where no one else can hear us? Is it so your oh so precious reputation isn't ruined?!"

"No. It's because a few 'things' have happened recently and I'm trying to keep it a secret for a long as possible. Or at least until Tou-san gets back and we can figure something out."

"You…" She frowned and she looked him up and down. "What do you mean by 'things'? And why are you wearing that orange eyesore? And for that matter your hair looks like a rat's nest. And..." Shion paused, her purple eyes flashing. "Since when did you're chakra become so potent?"

"Uh, I'm not sure how to say this but... I'm not the Naruto you know."

She blinked, just once, and then stepped forward cautiously. Suspicion crept into her eyes and Naruto noted her hands had gone rigid. Her feet subtly shifted into a Taijutsu stance he only vaguely recognized. _"Ah... there's a difference all right. This Shion is a ninja."_

"What exactly do you mean by that?"

"Listen… I'm not going to beat around the bush Shion. I'm just going to say it okay?"

"Okay."

He took a deep breath and then plunged on ahead. "I'm from a different dimension. I'm not the Naruto you know because you and I haven't actually met before."

She remained silent, her eyes alone urging him to continue.

"If you want to know how I knew you, that's simple enough. In my reality… or world or whatever we've met. Or at least I've met my world's version of you. I helped you destroy Mōryō after you were tricked into unsealing him." Naruto saw the look of confusion on Shion's face. "Yes I know it sounds crazy but you have to understand that I just woke up here. The… other me… isn't here anymore. As far as I know we switched places or something."

"You aren't Naruto… but you _are_ Naruto?"

He groaned and rubbed the back of his neck in agitation. "That not how I would put it but... I guess?"

Shion bit her lip and backed up a few steps, still in position to attack him, but no longer looking quite as hostile. "Well..." She darted forward and one slender hand ghosted over the side of his neck. "You don't have any of the seals on you that you had when you helped me seal Mōryō. None of them…" She stepped away again, seeming confused. "But I don't understand. How did this happen? Did anyone else from… your world… come here? Who else knows? What are…"

"Woah woah… hold on a second." Naruto raised his hands in a placating gesture. "First of all… I have no clue how any of this happened or how I ended up here. I don't know if anyone else from my world came. And as for who knows? That would be some of my family and Ino-chan. Other than that, no one else."

Shion frowned. "But you know me? Or at least you knew a different me?"

"Yes."

"And… this other me accidentally released Mōryō?"

Naruto shrugged. "Some old guy was possessed by Mōryō and tricked you into using that sealing jutsu you were taught. But you apparently didn't know that the seal wasn't fully open in the first place. So when you used the jutsu it released Mōryō's full power."

Her frown deepened. "But that never happened here."

"Eh?"

"You were sent to protect me as soon as we learned that Mōryō's seal had been tampered with. And when I was attacked by Yomi's men you killed them before they could try anything. Then the rest of your team came and defended me while you tracked down Yomi and dealt with him."

"And then?"

"Well after that you escorted me to the Land of Swamps to check on Mōryō's seal. It was still closed so you took me back home. But on the way we were attacked by the remnants of Mōryō's ghost army, which had been possessed by a small amount of his spirit. You destroyed them though and I was returned home safely."

Naruto didn't know what to make of that. "And Mōryō was never released?"

"Only a small portion of his spirit which was trapped inside Yomi. When Yomi died the spirit had nothing to cling to… therefore it couldn't remain 'alive' so to speak." She shrugged. "Some of his energy managed to infiltrate the terracotta soldiers but as I said… they were easy to destroy."

He sighed. "So… why did you come here to see me then?"

Shion's face flushed scarlet and she jerked away from him as if bit. "If you aren't him then that's none of your business!" She took several steps back and, in a matter of seconds, composed herself. The blond priestess went from embarrassed to prim and proper and exactly how he remembered her. "Anyway, it seems that I will have to go on my way. Would you mind directing me to the... other you?"

_"Shit, here it comes."_ He drew in a deep breath and said it. "We... may have switched places."

A second passed.

"...w..WHAT!?" She was in his face again, hands grabbing fistfuls of his jacket as she shook him like a rag doll. "What do you mean your switched places!? Did he do this just to get away from me?! That Bastard! That lying fucking Wretch! When I get my hands on him he'll wish Mōryō had escaped! I'll have his... his... where?"

But Naruto had already switched with his clone on the other side of the clearing. "I don't know what exactly went on between you and him, but leave me out of it." He straightened his jacket and tried to ignore the half torn collar. "I told you I didn't know anything about how or why I'm here."

"Y..you..."

"I'm telling the truth alright!"

Shion marched up to him yet again and jerked his head down to her level. Their eyes met, blue on violet. "Are you... No. I get it now. You're trying to pretend you're someone else so you don't have to keep your promise! Idiot! Bastard! Asshole!"

She made to kick him in the... well... suffice to say he dodged. _"Nope nope nope!" _Then, realizing he wasn't about to win this confrontation whether he could fight her or not, he decided to make like lightning and bolt.

In a flash of gold he was gone, leaving an enraged blond screaming at the spot where he'd been a moment before.

**OOO**

**OOO**

Naruto slowed to a stop somewhere around where the Nara clan compound was supposed to be. The wind blew in behind him, alerting those on the street to his presence. He gave a short wave then quickly walked into the alley to his right... and quickly walked right back out when he saw Hanabi playing with another girl her age on the next street over. _"Seriously, what is wrong with the girls here?!"_

Taking a look at the Hokage's mountain, Naruto made a snap decision. In the next instant he was standing atop Hashirama's stone head, looking down over the village. After he made sure no one was nearby he sat down. _"So things aren't all fun and games here. Shion certainly didn't take things as well as everyone else."_ Compared to Ino it was like night and day. _"I hope everyone isn't like that. Could get real old real fast."_

He shook his head, wondering what his old man would be like. _"If Kaa-san wants me to have a harem..." _Naruto snorted at the thought. _"What Kakashi-sensei told me about her would make it seem like the opposite of how she should be. Not that Ino and Hinata weren't totally different too."_

_"How is everyone back home holding up? I mean... If everyone went to sleep there and I just disappeared? That would be bad enough. But if someone who wasn't me but was me took my place? No way the guys back home would give me as warm as welcome as they did here. The other me is probably in a holding cell being interrogated at sword point by Sasuke."_

A grimace made its way onto his face again.

_"If they even gave him a chance to talk. Baa-chan and Sasuke might have leapt to conclusions and just killed the other me outright." _He closed his eyes and reached out with his mind, grabbing hold of the natural energy that surrounded the village. _"Minds as well do an in depth check of the village. Make sure I know where everyone is."_

It took a few seconds to get adjusted, yet once his chakra synced with the natural energy, he could feel thousands of tiny ember burst amidst the village below him. Scattered amidst the smaller coals were around two hundred much larger flames. And here and there... around a dozen infernos raged, representing the elite Jonin and Kage level ninja within the village.

Naruto locked onto them first.

The first one wasn't hard to remember. It was Naruko. Her massive chakra reserves matched his, back before he'd mastered Sage mode. Next to her was Kushina. Massive and potent, but not... Biju levels of potent. Somewhere on the other side of the village he could sense Tsunade, though she seemed weaker than his version. Probably due to the fact that she wasn't Kage. Taking the hat had forced her to liven up her game a bit

Kakashi's signature was surprisingly strong. Almost as strong as his world's Copy Ninja. _"Guess he hasn't been as laze as his reputation would lead you to believe." _He cast around, searching for Guy-sensei. _"Must be out of the village." _Searching around some more he locked onto Anko's chakra. Another ninja who... if he did say so him... seemed much stronger here than she had been back home. Easily. _"Shit... Anko's got more chakra than Kakashi-sensei. Either one."_

Then again... if Orochimaru never defected then Anko wouldn't have been branded by the curse seal. And she probably continued to train under her sensei. _"Makes sense she's so strong. Orochimaru might be a bastard, but no one can say his methods aren't effective. Turned Sasuke into a multi-kage level threat in three years." _

He focused on a different part of the village. _"Konohamaru is pretty strong. So are his two friends. Itachi seems weaker than he was and Sasuke barely even rates Jonin. Tsk..." _He frowned as he locked on two very strong signatures. One had a Raiton affinity while the other was Katon. Both felt vaguely like Sasuke and Itachi so he figured they were Uchiha. _"Hm... maybe the head of the Uchiha clan and someone else? I guess the massacre really didn't happen here."_

A few minutes passes as he flitted from one flame to another, stopping when he encountered Obito, whose chakra felt radically different. _"He's hugging the line between Jonin and Kage. Wonder if he has his Mangekyo or not." _It seemed like the village had at least tripple the number of Kage level ninja he remembered. A good thing really, since this world evidently hadn't got the memo on peace.

_"Jiraiya-sensei... where are you."_

Stretching out his senses and calling on Kurama's chakra, Naruto flung his senses out wide. Further and further he searched until he locked onto something familiar. He'd never felt Jiraiya's chakra with Sage mode. But he had a vague idea of what it would be like. As one of only three or four Sage chakra users... it had to be similar.

_"Must be him."_

A smile tugged at his lips as the chakra signature flared several times, as if trying to dispel a Genjutsu. _"Sorry Ero-senin. No Genjutsu. Just little ol Naruto saying hello." _He pulled his chakra back and pushed it in other directions, searching for a hint of Nagato or any of the Akatsuki members he'd fought. He couldn't be sure just how far he could search. But the Six-paths chakra allowed him to sense things on far away battlefields during the war.

_"There's something far to the northwest. Possibly in Ame or the Land of Stone. Several somethings actually. But only a few S-rank signatures. If Madara isn't scheming in this world then Nagato won't have the Rinnegan... so he'll feel different. Konan... ! Ah there she is. So that big one next to her has to be Nagato. Hm, didn't take him for a Futon user." _Neither of the former..maybe?.. Akatsuki members gave any sign through their chakra that they were aware of him. So he moved on.

He swept through a massive area and sensed nothing, until hit on another familiar signature closer to the Land of Fire. _"Hey... that's Kirabi and the Raikage. What are they doing so close to Konoha? The nations aren't at peace so..."_

His eyes snapped open. "Oh shit."

Kirabi had another brilliant flame next to him. The current vessel of Matatabi. Around them three dozen more high Jonin level ninja were close by. They felt a few days away from him at best. And... _"Shit shit shit! That's Onoki! Why the h..."_

Naruto stood and jumped off Hashirama's head hard enough to knock it off the mountain. He needed to tell Kushina about this.

Kumo and Iwa were about to knock on Konoha's gates... with _two_ kage and _four_ Biju.

**OOO**

**OOO**

**And that is it for chapter 3. Do come back for the next exciting chapter... as soon as I finish writing it that is. **

**Remember the polls is still up for those who would like to vote. Keep in mind all characters will be OOC unless otherwise stated. This is a comedy fic after all. Flames will be ignored. Harassment will be reported. And Reviews will be appreciated.**

**Thank you... and good day.**


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